First the Brief­ing, Then the Stab­bing

Su­per­vi­sor: So Tina* and I are ac­tu­al­ly get­ting along re­al­ly well! We dis­cov­ered that we both have the same work style, which is Crazy Psy­cho Bitch.

473 Ridge Road
Day­ton, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: of­fice pe­on

Um, Yeah, I Saw the YouTube Video.

Sales guy #1: Wan­na go across the street to the deli for lunch? I hear they make a mean BLT.
Sales guy #2: They’re ex­pen­sive.
Sales guy #1: Dude… I’m so frekkin rich I wipe my ass with dol­lar bills.

Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Cig­a­rette, Any­one?

CEO wrap­ping up a video con­fer­ence: I just want to thank every­one for mak­ing this the best three-way I’ve ever had!

Tra­verse City, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: Ad­min As­sis­tant K

The Pic­ture Says It All, Dear Read­er

Cu­bi­cle mate: When he sings “My Coro­na,” is he talk­ing about his beer? (lat­er, once lyrics are ex­plained) What the hell is a “Sharona,” any­way?

Scar­bor­ough
Cana­dia

I Don’t See Much Mar­ket for a Pants Cam, Though

Guy in cu­bi­cle on phone: Well, it feels like it’s about 3 or 4 inch­es up in there! No… No. Well, did you see the pic­tures? Be­cause you can to­tal­ly see it’s all the way up in there!

Oil Com­pa­ny
Tul­sa, Ok­la­homa

Or Shaped Like Gi­ant Door­ways, in Case of Earth­quakes

Guy clerk: Hey, this safe­ty pam­phlet says to get in­to the bath­tub if a tor­na­do is com­ing.
Gal clerk: Well, duh, why don’t they just build hous­es shaped like gi­ant bath­tubs?

5760 East High­way 80
Pearl, Mis­sis­sip­pi

Over­heard by: Brain Danc­ing

Fun­ny, We Feel the Ex­act Op­po­site Way.

<b>president:</b> let me put it this way… I make a lot of mon­ey, you should trust me.

Fort Mill, SC

…Ever Since the Car­ri­er Pi­geon’s Un­time­ly Demise.

En­gi­neer: The woodridge of­fice is nice. They have an in­ter­com sys­tem.
Sec­re­tary: We have that too. It’s called scream­ing over the top of the cu­bi­cles.

Wheaton, Illi­nois

Like That One Time at Andy Dick­’s House

Work­er get­ting up from cor­ner of a desk: Oh my god, I think I sat on a nerve… My pe­nis is numb! You know the tech­nique “the stranger” where you sit on your hand?
Cowork­er: Yeah.
Numb work­er: This is the op­po­site of that, it’s like I have some­one else’s pe­nis in my pants right now.

168th Street
Om­a­ha, Ne­bras­ka

If You Peo­ple Don’t Get Busy, I’m Out Of a Job

Lab work­er pack­ing spec­i­mens to send to ref­er­ence lab: Wow! I don’t have any gon­or­rhea or chlamy­dia to­day!

Koko­mo, In­di­ana