Archive for September, 2019

Mommification

Cube woman #1: Ugh, it tastes like banana.
Cube woman #2: Your mom tastes like banana.
Cube woman #1: Actually, my mom tastes like embalming fluid.

Marlborough, Massachusetts


1PM Lunch

Co-worker #1: What did you bring for lunch today?
Co-worker #2: Leftover Indian food from last night.
Co-worker #1: Indian food, huh? Never had it. Is it good?
Co-worker #2: It’s great. This type is vegetarian.
Co-worker #1: Vegetarian? I thought Indians eat buffalo.

6035 Peachtree Parkway
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Keith Canseco

Who Does This Hurt, Though?

Coworker, answering phone after ignoring it four times: Hello? (pause) Yeah, listen Dave, can this wait? I'm a little busy. (pause) Look, I'm just busy. (pause) Dave, I'm taking my after-lunch shit, leave me alone. (pause) No, I'll be back in like ten minutes. (pause) Yeah, ten minutes, I like to enjoy my after-lunch crap. (pause) No… no… Yes. (pause) Look, I'll be back soon, just hold tight. (pause) Dave, you're hands down the biggest pain in the ass ever. You're a bigger pain in the ass than this turd I'm trying to squeeze out of my butt as we speak. I'm going to hang up right now and when I'm done shitting, I'm going take a picture of this turd with my cell phone and everytime you call, this picture is going to show up on my screen.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: dude in next stall over


4PM Clean Cube

Co-worker #1: Goodness! I can’t tell you how dusty this thing is.
Co-worker #2: Why not?
Co-worker #1: Because I don’t know the proper units of measurement for dust.

105 Arbor Drive
Christiansburg, Virginia