Female coworker #1: You smell like a perfume I used to wear.
Female coworker #2: Did you just say I smell like a turkey baster?
Seattle, Washington
Archive for August, 2019
Now If Only We Could Figure Out a Way to Blame This on Men…
Person #1: My vagina is as fucked as the Gaza strip.
Person #2: Can I suggest a nice Jewish gyno?
Person #1: I don't want her to colonize my vag. Monistat will work just fine.
Person #2: You could just shove some Challah bread up there and have the yeast go to town on your sorry ghettoized crotch.
Boston, Massachusetts
Nothing Says “Rough Crowd” Like Men in Bathing Caps
Colleague, chatting up receptionist on Monday morning: Me and the water polo boys can be a pretty rough crowd when we want to be.
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Nathan
Yet This George Foreman Grill Is Not As Handy As Expected
Cubicle rat on phone: I expect a white man to lie to me, not a black guy.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Greg
The White Bear's Always Trying to Keep Us Down
Woman on the phone (groaning): What are they protesting this time? (pause) Are they protesting polar bears again?
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: who wouldn't protest?
Does It Matter That They're Sexual Harassment Complaint Files?
Woman carrying heavy files: I need to go down to the branch and drop this off.
Man: Hello–I can help you carry that.
Woman: Aww! You had me at “hello”!
Man: You had me at “go down”!
Melville, New York
She's a Little Bit Crunchy, But Just Sweet Enough.
Boss: Yes, and the other lady's name is “Glenola,” like a Granola bar.
Caller: “Glenola”?
Boss: Yeah, she's the black one.
Sun City, Arizona
Overheard by: Mama en Fuego
He’s Fated to Become the Regional Manager
Employee: Fuck you very much for calling Blockbuster; how may I abuse you?…Oh, hi, Bill* [regional manager]…Yeah, today’s my last day.
Blockbuster
Del Mar, California
Overheard by: Petyr
3PM Smoke Break
Co-worker #1: Hey, are your balls getting hot?
Co-worker #2: Quite.
Co-worker #1: I hear a hot laptop kills your sperm.
Co-worker #2: I’m all for it. I smoke the seeds, too.
1759 T Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Brendan B
Think of It Less as Creation and More as Intelligent Design
Art Director: We had another “captain literal” sighting in a client
meeting today. People are stupid.
Copywriter: Be less creative. It always works for me.
930 S. Calhoun Street
Fort Wayne, Indiana