Mechanic: Did you put lube in it?
Customer: I put all the lube in she would take.
1301 Highway 501 East
Conway, South Carolina
Archive for July, 2019
Miley Cyrus Is Demanding a Recount
Peon: Did you get your “whore of the year” trophy yet?
Boss: No, it hasn't arrived yet.
Meriden, Connecticut
Overheard by: Brandon
Who Can’t See Their Fingers
Coworker #1: Ha! They have phones with big numbers for people with fat fingers.
Coworker #2: Dont be mean — they’re probably for deaf people.
25 North Terrace
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: collins
…Are You As Turned on As I Am?
Male coworker: Dugong! I wonder what dugongs taste like.
Female coworker: Hippos?
Male coworker: Except saltier.
Grahamstown
South Africa
Overheard by: EnvironmentalScientistsAreWeird
No, That’s Question #15
Nurse, pointing to birth control questionnaire: Ma’am, I think you answered this question incorrectly.
15-year-old girl: No, that’s right.
Nurse: It asks how long you’ve been with your current partner. You said five minutes.
15-year-old girl: That’s how long it took.
616 Court Street
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Vicky
Not Improperly Sore, Like I Was in Prison
Manager on phone: How was my day off? Well, I'm properly sore now.
Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Doug's Mom
11AM “State of the Company” Meeting
General Manager: It’s up to every one of you to better yourselves. You can either stay or grow!
1520 Front Street
Yorktown Heights, New York
Overheard by: miss eves dropping
The Lebanese Girl Concluded That Americans Made Decisions Based on Hasty Generalizations. So She Joined Hezbollah.
Coworker: I think Israel's in the right. (pause) I dated a Lebanese girl once. I'd want to bomb them, too.
Champaign, Illinois
And Maybe You Could Spruce It Up a Bit?
Art director to photographer: So, how big is your rack?
(rest of table bursts out laughing)
Art director: Okay! I guess we're all 13 here!
Photographer: You gotta admit, that was good.
Art director: Yeah, it was good.
(at the end of photo shoot meeting)
Art director: Don't forget to bring your rack on Friday!
Van Nuys, California
He’s an Arkansas Leg Hound — Best to Let Him Finish
Camera assistant: Your dog’s getting drunk off my pants.
Culver City, California