Sweet-natured office chick: I’m starting to realize I’m just a selfish little bitch, and now I’m much, much happier!
Centre Street
New York, New York
Archive for July, 2019
It's a New Orleans Thing, Dear Reader
Operator setting up auto claim with customer on phone: Sir, I'm so sorry your car got stolen today. At least you babies and CDs are fine. I think you need to git you some whiskey to calm you down. Or just do what I do to calm myself down, cheer! “Who dat! Who dat! Who dat! Yayayayayaya! Who dat!”
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Wish I had my MP3 player today
9AM Begin the Seething
Co-worker on phone: How many limbs did he lose?…Ha, ha, ha!…That’s awful.
30 South 17th Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Everything He Knows About Mexico He's Learned from Watching Johnny Depp Movies
Office guy, at the coffee line: I just came back from Cozumel! It's not like the Mexico that we hear about all the time…
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Nicole
What's the Finance Code for That?
Worker #1, about customer: How is it “annually” if she did it in September, and it's June now?
Worker #2: She's a moron.
Austin, Texas
You're Going to Love Your First Confession
Coworker to another: Let him touch and feel it, because that is really what is going to get him excited.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: J-Man 88
I'm Bingeing for Two, You Know
Pregnant manager: Are those peanut butter eggs, or just chocolate eggs?
Account exec: They're some of each. But we're not telling you which is which.
Pregnant manager: That's okay. I'll just eat them all.
Augusta, Georgia
Want to Know What’s in the ‘Everything Bagel’?
Male associate: Hey Sean, it’s not working [holds a squeeze bottle of flesh colored sauce in front of himself.] I can’t get it to come!
Sean, slowly: Put the bottle down.
Female associate: You freak. There’s customers here!
Center Ridge Road
Rocky River, Ohio
Overheard by: silent one
If Ever There Were a Need for a Longer Pause…
Cube dweller: Hey Liz*, wanna hear something crazy?
Liz*: Sure.
Cube dweller: That stock I bought is up 900% today.
Liz*: Which stock?
Cube dweller: That gay stock I bought! 900%!
Liz*: Gay stock…?
Cube dweller: Yeah–that gay tv network stock. I knew it! Gay tv, yes!
Liz*: Well, good for you…
Cube dweller: Man, my butt is so sore today…
Warren, Michigan
Overheard by: Your what is sore?!
For Instance, You No Longer Need to Purchase Gel.
Outgoing office assistant helping new one fill out HR paperwork: Wow! You look so different in your driver's license picture.
New assistant: Yeah, I was so much skinnier and my hair was so much better.
Outgoing office assistant: How is your hair different now?
New assistant: Well, you know when you're having a bunch of sex, your hair changes?
Nashville, Tennessee