Archive for June, 2019

2PM All Hands Meet­ing at Down­town Branch

HR: Okay [Jen], here is your six month re­view. You are do­ing ex­cel­lent work, we could­n’t be hap­pi­er, you adapt es­pe­cial­ly well to change and keep this of­fice run­ning like a tight ship. We have put you in for a sub­stan­tial raise.
VP: We have come to the de­ci­sion that we will be clos­ing this of­fice. Every­one’s last day of work will be De­cem­ber 31st–
HR: –and here are your sev­er­ance pack­ages.

238 Bed­ford Street
Lex­ing­ton, Mass­a­chu­setts

12PM Re­search 401(k) Op­tions

Co-work­er #1: What? You don’t con­tribute to your 401(k)?
Co-work­er #2: No, but it’s my New Year’s res­o­lu­tion.
Co-work­er #1: 2 words: free mon­ey! 2 words, a bunch of syl­la­bles: free mon­ey.

1615 H Street NW
Wash­ing­ton, DC

I Can Hear the Awk­ward Si­lence from Here

Work­er: [Jeff] did­n’t come in be­cause he has pneu­mo­nia. We went to the hos­pi­tal yes­ter­day.
Man­ag­er: Ever since you and [Jeff] start­ed dat­ing he’s be­gun falling apart. Now he’s got pneu­mo­nia. That’s what drugs will do to you; low­er your im­mune sys­tem.
Work­er: That could­n’t have been it…It’s been 2 weeks since we’ve tak­en ec­sta­cy.

7350 S. Tami­a­mi Trail
Sara­so­ta, Flori­da