Archive for June, 2019

I Can Hear the Awkward Silence from Here

Worker: [Jeff] didn’t come in because he has pneumonia. We went to the hospital yesterday.
Manager: Ever since you and [Jeff] started dating he’s begun falling apart. Now he’s got pneumonia. That’s what drugs will do to you; lower your immune system.
Worker: That couldn’t have been it…It’s been 2 weeks since we’ve taken ecstacy.

7350 S. Tamiami Trail
Sarasota, Florida

The Car Deserved to Die

Cube guy: … And what did you say?
Cube girl: I told her he never deserved her in the first place.
Cube guy: That’s for sure.
Cube girl: And frankly, the smartest thing she ever did was put that bullet in his car.
Cube guy: I know!

350 Madison Avenue
New York, New York

I Had An…uh…Lobotomy

These are all from the same coworker.

Overheard on phone: I am going to need you to help me because this is not information that is readily available in my…uh…brain.

In a meeting while it was snowing outside: This reminds me of growing up in New York…I mean…Vermont.

Another meeting: The last thing we want to do is provide an immediate response to an immediate question.

522 SW 5th
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Breanna Freeman

Plus, Their Prior Behavior Had Been Exemplary

Professor: Does anyone have questions about the importance of the flood myth in the Bible and the Epic of Gilgamesh?
Student: Well, when it flooded and everything died, what happened to all the fish?
Professor: Well, it was a flood… So I think they were okay…

Skidmore College
Saratoga Springs, New York

Overheard by: Stared in disbelief