4PM I’m Out of Here

La­dy: How do I get to the ra­dio sta­tion?
Re­cep­tion­ist: You have to go down the hall and take the el­e­va­tor down.

20 min­utes pass.

La­dy : Okay, I did the singing telegram, now I need a bath­room.

4041 Mill Street
Kansas City, Mis­souri

… But No

An­cient les­bian wait­ress: You ever tried to buy den­tal dams at three A.M. in the Bible belt?
Wide-eyed teen bus boy: Uh… I have sooo many ques­tions about what you just said…

Cir­cle Cen­tre Mall
In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: Shat­man­du

More Like I Played Hock­ey with It– Was That Wrong?

Sec­re­tary: My mouse stopped work­ing.
Tech guy: Was this af­ter you dropped it?
Sec­re­tary: Yes.

Pub­lic Uni­ver­si­ty
New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Clark W.

Psh, Like That Mat­ters

Sec­re­tary: Wait, don’t you have to be in the mil­i­tary to run for pres­i­dent?
Work­er: No. I’ve tak­en karate in the past, so I get to skip that step.
Sec­re­tary: Oh… But do you re­al­ly think you’d get enough votes?

5000 South Lewis Av­enue
Tul­sa, Ok­la­homa

Over­heard by: Whoa Now

In­door Rain Usu­al­ly Means the Sprin­kler Sys­tem Went Off

Man­ag­er en­ter­ing of­fice: It’s rain­ing pret­ty heavy.
Woman: Out­side?
Man­ag­er, star­ing blankly for sev­er­al sec­onds: Uh… yeah.

North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: Se­ri­ous­ly?

3PM Cel­lu­lar Dif­fi­cul­ty

Cowork­er: Okay, I’m head­ed out to the meet­ing. I have the cell phone if you need me…Does this have to be turned on, or will it turn it­self on when a call comes in?

1001 North 19th Street
Ar­ling­ton, Vir­ginia

We Know.

Cowork­er #1: He does­n’t know? I know! How can he not know?
Cowork­er #2: You know?
Cowork­er #1: Well, I don’t know… but I know.
Cowork­er #2: He does­n’t know? You know but he does­n’t know? Deep down in­side he does know? it’s such a puz­zle!

Wash­ing­ton, DC

Lis­ten, Lucy, with Your Body Fat, It Was To­tal­ly Im­prop­er

HR pe­on in charge of sex­u­al ha­rass­ment is­sues: Lucy*, it’s so good to see you! I did­n’t rec­og­nize you with your clothes on!
Lucy: I just want every­one with­in earshot to know that she’s talk­ing about see­ing me at the gym, and not in any im­prop­er ac­tiv­i­ty!

4850 Mark Cen­ter Dri­ve
Alexan­dria, Vir­ginia

That Just Means You’re Not Do­ing It Right.

Old­er fe­male em­ploy­ee: I can’t get on my knees. I have bad arthri­tis so there’s no way I’m go­ing down.
Younger fe­male em­ploy­ee: I’ll do it. Move over.
Old­er fe­male em­ploy­ee: I’m go­ing to the oth­er one. Every time I use this one, it breaks.

Marl­bor­ough, Mass­a­chu­setts

11AM Check Email

Boss: He said he sent me an email via his Black­Ber­ry. It must have end­ed up in some pi­geon’s stom­ach.

2929 North May­fair Road
Mil­wau­kee, Wis­con­sin