Executive director, discussing clients: We can’t touch them physically, but we can touch them with things.
Louisville, Kentucky
Archive for March, 2019
Unlike White People, Who Pretend to Have Read Them
Black coworker, showing off book: It was on Oprah’s Book Club.
White coworker: Oh, okay.
Black coworker, putting book under shirt: And now I’m hiding it, cos I don’t read books. I’m black.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: sure, why not?
4PM Performance Reviews
Manager: She’s actually very bright, she just doesn’t speak or write.
200 West Oak
Fort Collins, Colorado
Anything’s Funny When Done in Lederhosen
Chick: My boyfriend and I love to beat the shit out of each other. But it’s okay, because we are both German.
Austin, Texas
I Was Thinking More in Terms Of Using It As Toilet Paper
Editor to writer: Do you want to talk about your cover story submission?
Writer: Not really.
Editor: Well, there are a couple of techniques we could use to improve it.
Writer: Is one of them leaving it the hell alone?
Augusta, Georgia
And I’m Not 100% Sure about Kangaroos, Either
Pizza Hut driver: Would you rather fight a kangaroo or wolverine?
Pizza Hut CSR: Well, kangaroos are pretty tough, but wolverines aren’t real.
7th Street and Union Hills
Phoenix, Arizona
… Where I Went to School
Man hanging up phone: Wow, that guy had a neat accent. He said he was from the United Kingdom.
Woman: United Kingdom? That’s in Florida, right?
Man: No, I think that’s the Magic Kingdom…
Woman: Oh, you’re right! United Kingdom is in Kentucky.
Spartanburg, South Carolina
Overheard by: Service Dispatcher
Dude, You’re on Speakerphone
VP, after phone call: What are these guys, incompetent? [Looks at phone] Is that thing hung up?
Ventura and Balboa Boulevards
Encino, California
Overheard by: Wish I didn’t work in the Valley
Why Simon Says is Only Fun in Kindergarten
Supervisor: Go to your computer and pull up the client file you showed me earlier, the one that was wrong. I need to show it to the IT people.
Worker: I can’t because I deleted it.
Supervisor: Why did you delete it?
Worker: Because you told me to.
Supervisor: Don’t do what I tell you! Do what I say.
Franklin Square
Springfield, Illinois
5PM That’s a Wrap
Boss: Oh you fucking idiot!
Pause
Boss: Why don’t you just go home, you wanker!
Boss walks out of the office.
Employee: Who are you yelling at?
Boss: Me, I’m going home!
301 Pirie Street
Adelaide, Australia
Overheard by: Jessica
