Older gentleman in response to memo on sexual harassment: In this office we don’t have sexual harassment, we just have sex!
Seguin, Texas
Archive for January, 2019
Which Is Why I'm Raising My Hand
Office worker: Where are the Doritos?
Cube mate: Huh?
Office worker: I said: “where are the Doritos?”
Cube mate: Oh, I thought you said: “where are the dirty hoes?”
Yardley, Pennsylvania
No, You’ve Just Got Those Little Wings on Your Lapel
Customer: By chance, was your mom a flight attendant?
Employee: Why, do you think you’re my dad?
Costa Mesa, California
Overheard by: Still laughing now
Look How Bad I Am at Math!
Interviewer: I’m sorry. From my conversation with your former supervisor I expected you to be a man!
Interviewee: I’m a girl! I’ll show you!
Torrey Pines Road
La Jolla, California
…I Lie Awake Dreaming Of That Day!
Male coworker, almost bumping into female coworker: You know, one of these days we're going to totally run into each other and… bang! (smacks hands together)
Female coworker: I know!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Mike H
To Be Fair, Jail Always Looks Enticing After a Day at the DMV.
Man at DMV: Man, just take me to jail anyway, I heard you guys serve people Denny's.
Los Angeles, California
And They Always Get Grumpy When I Wear My “Go Palestininians!” Shirt.
Jewish executive: The CEO of [name] company is coming from Israel for negotiations.
Redneck executive (exasperated): I hate dealing with Israelis! They're the hardest people to negotiate with. They're never satisfied with any deal you work out.
Jewish executive: (silence)
Redneck executive: It's like water torture!
Peon: Um, I think that's the Chinese.
San Mateo, California
A Misguided Attempt to Assert Alpha Female Status
Female coworker #1: Are your poops big?
Female coworker #2: Well, I don’t exactly examine…
Female coworker #1: Well, compare your big poop to something in real life.
Female coworker #2: This is ridiculous.
Female coworker #1: No, I’m serious.
Female coworker #2: I don’t know, an egg?
Female coworker #1: How many eggs?
Female coworker #2: Three, four?
Female coworker #1: Well, my big poop is like the size of a Nalgene water bottle.
Gladstone Avenue & Galena Boulevard
Aurora, Illinois
Overheard by: Just Trying to Eat My Lunch
…About the Church Social Next Wednesday
Office worker: Lemme forward you this e-mail from slave whore Ella*!
BDSM Production Company
Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Joy
10AM Cancel New Headset Order
Employee: My headset for my phone doesn’t work. Can I have a new one?
Supervisor: Let me see that. Oh…you see what’s wrong? Sometimes the data can get caught in the phone line…so just straighten the cord. That makes the voice data come through more quickly and it won’t get all caught up.
11161 Mill Valley Road
Omaha, Nebraska