Female Medical Records clerk, in thick German accent: It’s so fucking hot in here. But I used to have a problem with sweating a lot when I lived in Germany, too. I think I have too much testosterone.
Hospital
Temple, Texas
Overheard by: PuppsMcGee
Archive for January, 2019
Not Even a Mint on the Seat?
Manager leaving toilet stall, to next person in line: Don’t worry — I didn’t leave anything in there.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
If They Ever Get out of the Burn Unit
Guy: Why can’t you just have the party at your place?
Girl: ‘Cuz I lost my damage deposit after that one time when that guy caught himself on fire.
Guy: A guy caught himself on fire and you lost your deposit?
Girl: Well, he dropped and rolled on the carpet. Then someone tried to put out the embers with rum, so the carpet caught fire too.
Guy: .…
Girl: Yeah, no more parties at my place cuz I have stupid friends who totally owe me $500 now.
Eastlake
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Nosey
…Mr. Gigantor
Salesmen on phone with client: I did steroids in college, so I understand where you’re coming from.
Plymouth, Massachusetts
…Get the Webcam!
Female coworker: Somebody’s poor vagina. It’s gonna collapse on her!
Raleigh, North Carolina
He Thinks People Are Coming On to Him When They Flip Him Off
Co-worker #1 gives co-worker #2 the hand signal for devil horns.
Co-worker #3, returning the signal: Loser.
Co-worker #1: What did you say that for?
Co-worker #3: You called me a loser, so I called you a loser.
Co-worker #1: I did not. I was giving Kelly* the devil horns.
Co-worker #3: Oh, sorry.
Co-worker #1: It’s okay. I guess it’s easy to think that people are calling you a loser because you still live with your parents.
800 Market Street
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: We were supposed to be working
Probably Some Sort of Throw Pillow
Student: What is this bit?
Professor: Which bit?
Student: The kinda-purplish, squishy bit.
Professor, to assistant: Do you know what that is?
Assistant: No.
Professor, to student: That’s not important. You can ignore that.
USC Anatomy lab
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Kylie
…But Why Am I Telling This to a Purple Stegosaurus?
Detective #1, walking away from meeting with chief: Man,where do you come up with some of this shit?
Detective #2: There were a couple summers in the 70s when I thought LSD was a vitamin.
Manhattan, New York
This Just In: Bon Jovi Fires Insurance Agent
Insurance agent on phone: Garbage? You said garbage? But if it’s garbage, why would you need to insure garbage??
East Little Creek Road
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: kim
Customer: Wouldya Look at This Bullshit?
Assistant manager, about e‑mail to customer: Wow, that was so much bullshit I didn’t even know when to stop!
11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
