Male employee: I don't like doing it, but I like having it done to me.
Richmond, Virginia
Archive for 2018
Nobody’s Gonna Build There a Second Time
Coworker: What’s the deal with these lot loans?
Manager: Your mom’s a lot loan.
San Ramon, California
Overheard by: cracking up
The Car Deserved to Die
Cube guy: … And what did you say?
Cube girl: I told her he never deserved her in the first place.
Cube guy: That’s for sure.
Cube girl: And frankly, the smartest thing she ever did was put that bullet in his car.
Cube guy: I know!
350 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
As We've All Learned from Survivor
Designer, during meeting: You can get a lot done in a threesome if you have an alliance.
Ad Agency
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: worried coworker
They Let You Handle Drugs?
Customer to pharmacy tech: I don't want you. I want the guy with goatee. Where's the guy with goatee?
Pharmacy tech: Nobody here has gold teeth.
Los angeles, California
Overheard by: Don't have either one
Faith-Based Employee Assistance Program
Upset worker: Oh, Lord! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!! Lord, help me!
Voice from her speaker phone: You called?
8900 NW 35th Lane
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Cin
Anyway, Long Story Short: I Spill Caulk on Myself at Least Once a Day Now, Though Usually at Night
Retiree visiting the office: I was working on the windows and running around the yard with my caulk in my hand, and I have this neighbor, Dave*, who was standing in the bushes, and I didn’t see him. But Dave scared me and there was caulk everywhere — caulk all over the windows and caulk on my hands. No, I’m serious, there were inches of it coming out! You guys aren’t even listening to me! I didn’t know what to do about all of the caulk on my hands but I called the 800 number on the side of it and the guy said that friction could get it off.
110 Nelson Road
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Canadia
Still Better Than Bucknell
Co-worker #1: You mean Napoleon Dynamite?
Co-worker #2: No, Napoleon Bonaparte.
Co-worker #1: Was he that explorer guy?
Co-worker #2: No, he was a French general…if you’ve ever heard the phrase “Napoleon complex” that’s where it comes from, because he was a short guy who thought he was the shit…
Co-worker #1: Oh…I’ve never heard of him.
Co-worker #2: How’s that IU education working out for you?
3699 West Lathrop
South Bend, Indiana
Though the Russian Judge Only Gave Her a “6”
Woman in bathroom stall to woman in neighboring stall: Yeah, she the one who did my son's circumcision. She did a bang up job.
Olathe, Kansas
Why Men Are Seldom Allowed to Organize Play Groups
Coworkers, discussing three-year-old sons: We should have our kids cage fight.
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Heather