Archive for 2018

If I Don’t Give You the Vi­su­al, You’ll Nev­er Learn

Cube guy #1: Wow, that girl with Tina* is hot. Who is she?
Cube guy #2: That’s her daugh­ter.
Cube guy #1: Damn, man! Why is­n’t she my daugh­ter?
Cube guy #2: What does that mean?
Cube guy #1: I dun­no. I meant–
Cube guy #2: –Dude, that means you’d have to sleep with–
Cube guy #1: –I know, I know, I’m sor­ry! Messed up… You did­n’t have to give me the vi­su­al.

Scotts­dale, Ari­zona

Over­heard by: Cube Gu­ru

Aliens: Why Don’t They Just Use E‑mail?

Ston­er cowork­er train­ing new­bie on fax ma­chine: This fax ma­chine, like, nev­er works… But I find it re­al­ly help­ful if you whis­tle the tune to Close En­coun­ters of the Third Kind while you’re fax­ing… [New­bie stares.] See?! An­oth­er fax through!

Bal­ti­more, Mary­land

Over­heard by: Sari­ta

Skipped School to Watch Mon­ty Python

Of­fice ra­dio just played ‘High Hopes,’ by Frank Sina­tra.

Flaky girl: What’s a ‘rub­ber tree plant’? Is it, like, a plant made of rub­ber, or a plant you get rub­ber from?
Yup­pie girl: It’s a Rub­ber. Tree. Plant. So, like, a plant-tree.
Flaky girl: What’s that?
Yup­pie girl: Like, a ba­by tree.
Flaky girl: So, a ba­by tree is a plant?
Yup­py girl: Well, it’s like how a ba­by duck is a duck­ling. It’s not re­al­ly a duck.
Flaky girl: So, a ba­by is not re­al­ly a hu­man?
Yup­pie girl: So it would be easy for the ant to move it.

St. Kil­da Road
Mel­bourne, Vic­to­ria

Over­heard by: I Dont Have Very High Hopes For These Two