Archive for 2018

Now That Would Be Spe­cial.

Cus­tomer ser­vice rep: ABC* client. is be­ing spe­cial again.
Sales man­ag­er: I want to start a drink­ing game where I do a shot every time Sue* calls one of our clients “spe­cial.“
Ac­count­ing rep: You’d be sooooo drunk.
Sales man­ag­er: I would die.

Fort Mill, South Car­oli­na


12PM Prep for Meet­ing

Boss: So do you think I should get 3 pies for the meet­ing since we have 30 peo­ple?
Work­er Bee #1: Sure, 3 pies should be enough.
Work­er Bee #2: I think you need more than 3.
Work­er Bee #1: How many do you think we should get?
Work­er Bee #2: We need 3.14159 pi.
Boss: Get out of my of­fice. Now.

1010 Sec­ond Av­enue
San Diego, Cal­i­for­nia

Some Of Us Ac­tu­al­ly Work With Hor­ri­ble Peo­ple

Young, at­trac­tive woman, dis­gust­ed: There were some hor­ri­ble peo­ple on my tram this morn­ing. They smelled so bad, like a prop­er toi­let. It was dis­gust­ing. They should at least take a show­er. The gov­ern­ment pays them like 13 grand to be home­less. Or have a ba­by, then you get mon­ey. They should­n’t smell like that.

Mel­bourne
Aus­tralia


I Did Watch Every Sea­son Of Veron­i­ca’s Clos­et, If That’s What You Mean

Straight cube-dweller, about hole punch: Well, it should­n’t go there. It should be out in the open on the desk where I can see it.
Gay cube-dweller: What, you could­n’t see it sit­ting there?
Straight cube-dweller: Well, it lives on my desk, not in the clos­et.
Gay cube-dweller: It’s a shelf above your desk, not a clos­et.
Straight cube-dweller: Well, you would know more about clos­ets than shelves, would­n’t you?

West Lafayette, In­di­ana

He’s Been Cul­ti­vat­ing That Line Since the First Time He Saw Ethan Hawke

Old cowork­er: What the hell is that on your chin?
Hip­ster cowork­er: I’m grow­ing out my goa­tee.
Old cowork­er: Why the fuck would you do that?
Hip­ster cowork­er: A girl last night at the bar told me it looks sexy.
Old cowork­er: It looks like a buffer pad for a high speed cock­suck­er.

43 West 42nd Street
New York, New York

Over­heard by: You’ll Get Crumbs In It

By French Stan­dards, He Got an Ob­se­quious­ly Po­lite Per­son on the Phone

Em­ploy­ee on phone with a French com­pa­ny: I’m sor­ry that you’re of­fend­ed that I don’t speak French, sir…Well, I don’t know what to tell you. I speak Eng­lish and Ko­re­an; I just don’t speak French. We have a great of­fer here. I think you’d like to hear about it, even in English…Well, if you’d like I can speak to you with what French I do know but I’m afraid it will on­ly be “hel­lo” and “yes” or “no.”…I’m sor­ry that you think my lack of French rep­re­sents what’s wrong with Amer­i­ca in gen­er­al…

61 Broad­way
New York, New York