Archive for 2018

12PM Con­tact Lock­smith

Em­ploy­ee #1: Our VP of Op­er­a­tions locked him­self out of his of­fice. He has­n’t been able to get in for about an hour now.
Em­ploy­ee #2: No­body has a spare key?
Em­ploy­ee #1: Nope, and the tool box that we keep here to help in these kinds of sit­u­a­tions is locked in his of­fice too.

650 Tech­nol­o­gy Park
Lake Mary, Flori­da

2PM Back from Site Vis­it

Sales guy: How’d the trip go?
IT guy: Went pret­ty well. Al­most had to send your branch man­ag­er home though.
Sales guy: Ha, why?
IT guy: Af­ter we loaded up all the in­ven­to­ry in an Ex­cel spread­sheet, he kept sort­ing it wrong. He’d sort just one col­umn. It would scram­ble the whole thing up and we’d have to delete it and start all over. He did that three times be­fore I banned him from Ex­cel.
Sales guy: You banned him?
IT guy: I banned him.

8220 Eng­land Street
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

He Aced the Mixed Drinks Por­tion of the Bar Ex­am

De­fense at­tor­ney: Ob­jec­tion, Your Hon­or. The pros­e­cu­tion con­tin­ues to as­sert this wit­ness is an ex­pert but has of­fered no ev­i­dence to sup­port the claim.
Judge: Sus­tained. Mr. Mar­tin*, is this wit­ness your ex­pert?
Pros­e­cu­tor: Yes, Your Hon­or.
Judge: Would you care to es­tab­lish for the court why the wit­ness is an ex­pert in the field of pe­di­atrics?
Pros­e­cu­tor: Cause he…ummm…knows stuff?

State Court
Austin, Texas

Over­heard by: Xen