Archive for 2018

12PM Contact Locksmith

Employee #1: Our VP of Operations locked himself out of his office. He hasn’t been able to get in for about an hour now.
Employee #2: Nobody has a spare key?
Employee #1: Nope, and the tool box that we keep here to help in these kinds of situations is locked in his office too.

650 Technology Park
Lake Mary, Florida

2PM Back from Site Visit

Sales guy: How’d the trip go?
IT guy: Went pretty well. Almost had to send your branch manager home though.
Sales guy: Ha, why?
IT guy: After we loaded up all the inventory in an Excel spreadsheet, he kept sorting it wrong. He’d sort just one column. It would scramble the whole thing up and we’d have to delete it and start all over. He did that three times before I banned him from Excel.
Sales guy: You banned him?
IT guy: I banned him.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

He Aced the Mixed Drinks Portion of the Bar Exam

Defense attorney: Objection, Your Honor. The prosecution continues to assert this witness is an expert but has offered no evidence to support the claim.
Judge: Sustained. Mr. Martin*, is this witness your expert?
Prosecutor: Yes, Your Honor.
Judge: Would you care to establish for the court why the witness is an expert in the field of pediatrics?
Prosecutor: Cause he…ummm…knows stuff?

State Court
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Xen

10AM File Referral

Banker #1: How do you file an old CD referral?
Banker #2: Well you submit it and cancel it and submit it and cancel it and repeat that 5 times, and then wash your hands…Oh, I thought you said OCD referral. Like obsessive-compul–
Banker #1: I get it.

1241 South Wabash Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Teddy