Archive for 2018

And That’s How Daddy Lost His Ear

Eight-year-old boy looking at DVD: Carnival.
Father: Read that again.
Eight-year-old boy: Car… Carb… Cannibal.
Father: Yeah, that means ‘meat eater.’
Eight-year-old boy, after pause: Another word for that is ‘carnivore.’
Father: Oh, I guess that actually means, ‘One who eats their own’. [Longer pause] You know, once at a job site I was working at we had a guy who was arrested and taken away for cannibalism… But that wasn’t in America.

Video Store, 5600 Bigger Road
Kettering, Ohio

It's a Lucky Drunk Who Has Not Just an Enabler, but a Cheerleader

Tourist woman: You know, honey, you should drink more. We're at a high elevation. You don't drink enough.
Visibly drunk tourist man: What are you talking about? I drink all the time! I drink a ton. I was just drinking… It's just not water.

Old Faithful Village
Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming

Overheard by: a ranger who is wondering why she works here

Stop Undressing Me with Your Eyes!

Sexual harassment awareness instructor: Now, class, who can tell me what percentage of sexual harassment is intended?
Class: [Silence.]Sexual harassment awareness instructor: Only 10percent! Ninety percent is unintentional. Now listen, class — most people aren’t doing it intentionally. The majority of people aren’t in that 10 percent group. The majority of people are in that 90 percent group.
Class: [Silence.]

Airdustrial Way
Tumwater, Washington

Overheard by: In the 10% group