Archive for 2018

10AM Call Building Maintenance

Secretary: Y’all like sittin’ in the dark?
Co-worker #1: You just gotta get used to it. The lights are broken.
Secretary: So y’all really like to sit in the dark.
Co-worker #2: Well, I think they went out over the weekend.
Secretary: So y’all really like to sit in the dark…Just like in the Underground Railroad.

1425 K Street NW
Washington, DC

Overheard by: callmeahab

First They Came for the Trans-Fats and I Didn’t Speak up

Writer: ‘Portly’ sounds cute. Sounds like a nice, bald, fat man in a three-piece suit.
Designer: ‘Portly’ sounds like someone with grease stains on their shirt from dropping a piece of chicken.
Writer: That’s not ‘portly!’ That’s obese!
Designer: What’s the difference?
Writer: Obese is like those Subway ads before Jared lost his weight. When he was all wild-eyed and savage. Clothes all stretched out, nothing laundered, brimming with Big Macs and Crisco sandwhiches.
Designer: They should outlaw Crisco. Just straight out make it a crime.
Writer: Yeah.

16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona

Finally, a Use for That Heavy Pan!

<b>southern girl ordering pizza hut online:</b> so everyone is cool with pan crust?
<b>brooklyn girl:</b> how the hell are you going to order pan crust while you're sitting next to a new yorker?
<b>southern girl:</b> this isn't even real pizza by your standards.
<b>brooklyn girl:</b> someone should break your fucking fingers.

Fort Mill, SC