Archive for 2018

10AM Call Build­ing Main­te­nance

Sec­re­tary: Y’all like sit­tin’ in the dark?
Co-work­er #1: You just got­ta get used to it. The lights are bro­ken.
Sec­re­tary: So y’all re­al­ly like to sit in the dark.
Co-work­er #2: Well, I think they went out over the week­end.
Sec­re­tary: So y’all re­al­ly like to sit in the dark…Just like in the Un­der­ground Rail­road.

1425 K Street NW
Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: callmea­hab

First They Came for the Trans-Fats and I Did­n’t Speak up

Writer: ‘Port­ly’ sounds cute. Sounds like a nice, bald, fat man in a three-piece suit.
De­sign­er: ‘Port­ly’ sounds like some­one with grease stains on their shirt from drop­ping a piece of chick­en.
Writer: That’s not ‘port­ly!’ That’s obese!
De­sign­er: What’s the dif­fer­ence?
Writer: Obese is like those Sub­way ads be­fore Jared lost his weight. When he was all wild-eyed and sav­age. Clothes all stretched out, noth­ing laun­dered, brim­ming with Big Macs and Crisco sand­which­es.
De­sign­er: They should out­law Crisco. Just straight out make it a crime.
Writer: Yeah.

16340 North Scotts­dale Road
Scotts­dale, Ari­zona

Fi­nal­ly, a Use for That Heavy Pan!

<b>southern girl or­der­ing piz­za hut online:</b> so every­one is cool with pan crust?
<b>brooklyn girl:</b> how the hell are you go­ing to or­der pan crust while you’re sit­ting next to a new york­er?
<b>southern girl:</b> this is­n’t even re­al piz­za by your stan­dards.
<b>brooklyn girl:</b> some­one should break your fuck­ing fin­gers.

Fort Mill, SC