Archive for 2018

I’m Sure They Felt a Vague Sense of Dis­com­fort

Dude: I bought a tea to­day in the first time in months.
Chick: I’m proud of you…?
Dude: Well, I threw it away when I got back here.
Chick: What? Why?
Dude: There was­n’t any sug­ar in it.
Chick: Did you ask for sweet tea? Wait, we’re in the South — it should just be as­sumed you want sweet tea.
Dude: Yeah, I know, right? But it was­n’t.
Chick: You should have asked them if they just weren’t cater­ing to their south­ern cus­tomers and made a scene. That would have been fun.
Dude: Well, I did yell at them. I was, like, four miles away at the time, but I was re­al­ly cussing them out.

8220 Eng­land Street
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

…Be­fore Tak­ing the Walk of Shame In­to the Of­fice This Morn­ing

Fe­male cu­bi­cle rat: Oh my god, last night was in­sane! I had a lot of fun though. Hey, do you know if I was wear­ing un­der­wear last night? (pause) Shut­up, I am not a slut! (man­ic laugh) I could have sworn I had some on be­fore I left the house. I’m itchy. I hope I did­n’t sit on some­thing funky at the club.

Or­ange Coun­ty, Cal­i­for­nia