Archive for 2018

And Now She’s Round­ing Down

Male banker on phone: He cheat­ed on her and she took him back. Now I think she might dump him, which is re­al­ly fun­ny be­cause, you know, he’s got every­thing, and she’s just so… av­er­age!

54th Street and Park Av­enue
New York, New York

Over­heard by: not-near­ly ‑as-shal­low fe­male banker

Her Nails?

Cus­tomer, af­ter wait­ing in re­cep­tion for some­one to help him: Hel­lo, is any­one there?
Re­cep­tion­ist to cowork­er #1: They can wait a minute. It’s not my job to sit there and help peo­ple when *they* want to come in.
Cowork­er #2, un­der her breath: Ac­tu­al­ly, it is.
Cowork­er #1, af­ter re­cep­tion­ist rolls her eyes and leaves: What does she think we pay her to do?

Pro­vo, Utah

1PM Lunch

Sec­re­tary: Well, we’re go­ing to Jer­sey for that meet­ing, so we could go to the Vil­lage Gourmet.
En­gi­neer: Yeah, that was good the last time.
Sur­vey­or: Does­n’t the guy that owns that one own an­oth­er one too, right down the street from the Vil­lage Gourmet?
Sec­re­tary: Yeah, but it’s re­al­ly ex­pen­sive, every­thing’s a la carte.
En­gi­neer: What does a la carte mean any­way?
Sec­re­tary: Dude, you’re 26 years old and you don’t know what a la fuck­ing carte means?
Sur­vey­or: Aren’t you French Cana­di­an, too?

One Penn Plaza
New York, NY

Over­heard by: Melis­sa Miller

This Would’ve Been a Good Se­in­feld Episode

Cu­bi­cle guy: Man, you wan­na hear some­thing fun­ny? My dry clean­er got shot to­day. What am I gonna do? I got dry clean­ing to pick up!
Cu­bi­cle gal: What? Oh my god! That’s hor­ri­ble!
Cu­bi­cle guy: I know. But what am I gonna do about my dry clean­ing? I can’t just go over there and say like, “hey, sor­ry he got shot, but can I get my dry clean­ing?“
Cu­bi­cle gal: Yeah–that would­n’t be good. Maybe you could wait a cou­ple of days and then go pick it up. Be­sides, if you go to­day you might be­come a sus­pect.
Cu­bi­cle guy: Yeah, that’s what I’ll do… Good thing it’s not a suit I need for the week­end.

Man­hat­tan, New York