Archive for 2018

Yet They All Know Who Kendra Is. *Shudder*

Office girl #1: Did you hear that Kendra's man isn't on the Eagles anymore?
Office girl #2: They fired him?
Office girl #1: Hold on, let me check. (pause) Oh, nope. He's going to play for the Colts now.
Office girl #2: Where's that?
Office girl #1: I'm not sure.
Office girl #2: It sounds like it's somewhere cold.
Office girl #1: I have no clue.
Office girl #2: I'll google it. (pause) Indianapolis.
Office girl #1: Where's that?
Office girl #2: I don't know. I think that's north of here.
Office girl #1: Oh…
Office girl #2: Oh, it's in Indiana.

Morgantown, West Virginia

Overheard by: humble office drone

Oh No, My PayPal Account Is Empty! How Will I Pay This Strapping Young IT Guy?

Tech guy: I need to update your microscope software, have you seen the dongle?
Grad student: Um… Excuse me?
Tech guy: I need to plug the dongle in to get access to your machine.
Grad student: Uh… What would… That… Look like?
Tech guy: Oh wait, never mind, I see it. Thanks!
[Tech guy leaves.]Grad student, to undergrad nearby: What the hell was he talking about?
Undergrad: I don’t know, but I feel like we were about ten seconds away from being in a very nerdy porno.

North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: LabCat

This Dramatization of the Importance of Negative Numbers is the Grittiest Schoolhouse Rock Yet

CSR: Customer Service, this is Sheri*. May I have your account number please?
Customer: Why is my account negative?!
CSR: Well, if you give me your account number, I can look it up and go over your transactions with you.

Customer gives information, CSR verifies, and the conversation continues.

CSR: Well, ma’am, looks like your opening deposit on Tuesday was 25 dollars… And then you withdrew 40 dollars from the ATM on Friday.
Customer: And…?
CSR: Well, 25 dollars minus 40 dollars is negative 15 dollars.
Customer: I don’t understand what you are trying to tell me.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

He Just Doesn’t Have the Underwearwithal

Woman: I haven’t talked to Henry* in a week. I’m through with him.
Man: Why? What happened?
Woman: He’s sooo selfish. He took the last t-shirt out of my drawer and wore it.
Man: That’s it? Dumped him over a t-shirt?
Woman: I texted him and told him we’re through.
Man: Wow. Dumped over a Hanes.
Woman: Yep. Infidelity I forgave, but don’t take my last goddamned t-shirt out of my fuckin’ drawer. Selfish!

45 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu