Employee #1: You know that part of your brain that stops you from doing stupid shit?
Employee #2: Nope.
Employee #1: Oh.
Galleria
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: consultantinka
Archive for November, 2018
Yeah Well, I Also Said I’d Never Forget My Birth Control.
Worker #1, looking at calendar: Patriot Day? What the hell is Patriot Day?!
Worker #2: Dude, that’s September 11th.
Worker #1: Oh, damn.
Worker #3: You said you’d never forget!
Ellensburg, Washington
When I Do Pushups, It Sounds Like I’m Serving Pudding
Grad student: I have to scoop my boobs out of my armpit when I lay down.
Charleston, South Carolina
No Lady Should Examine Bacteria Unescorted
Male postdoc: Are you sure you can’t do this experiment alone tomorrow?
Female postdoc: I’m sure! I’ll ask someone to help! I can’t do it alone! I’m too short! Pretty! Boobs, and stuff!
Physics Lab
Hunter College, New York
What Does He Think the Mad Cows Eat?
Editor, looking at ad for “Summer Garden Madness”: Why is everything “madness”? There’s nothing “madness” about a basket of vegetables.
2 Penn Plaza
New York, New York
Overheard by: angry carrot
Dude, You Need to Improve Your Supply Chain Management
Coworker on phone: I don’t want to know, dude. It’s like if the condom broke with a skank… I really don’t want to think about the pregnancy, or if she has the herpes, until she gets a tummy or I get a cold sore.
Boca Raton, Florida
One That Can Be Cured by Exorcise
Sorority girl in Spanish class: ‘Diabolico…’ That means he’s diabetic, right?
Classmate: No, it means diabolic.
Sorority girl: So, diabolic… Is that like a medical condition?
Modern Languages building, University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
It’s the Latest Craze
Asian employee: Why is everyone Asian?!
Chinatown
New York, New York
Overheard by: Murray
Some Sort of Ick, Anyway
Office worker: I love throwing up! I’m dyslexic.
County Courthouse
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Lan
Hence the Red Sprinkles
Coworker, about truffles for office-sponsored fundraiser: Okay then, so we’ll have truffles rolled in espresso, red sprinkles and peanuts…wait, did we scratch the nuts?
Rice Lake, Wisconsin
