Coworker on phone: Well, we do have backdoor service, but it's more expensive than our other services.
West Rutland, Vermont
Archive for October, 2018
Skipped School to Watch Monty Python
Office radio just played ‘High Hopes,’ by Frank Sinatra.
Flaky girl: What’s a ‘rubber tree plant’? Is it, like, a plant made of rubber, or a plant you get rubber from?
Yuppie girl: It’s a Rubber. Tree. Plant. So, like, a plant-tree.
Flaky girl: What’s that?
Yuppie girl: Like, a baby tree.
Flaky girl: So, a baby tree is a plant?
Yuppy girl: Well, it’s like how a baby duck is a duckling. It’s not really a duck.
Flaky girl: So, a baby is not really a human?
Yuppie girl: So it would be easy for the ant to move it.
St. Kilda Road
Melbourne, Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: I Dont Have Very High Hopes For These Two
It’s an Executive Privilege
Boss: I think it’s time for a sodey!
Coworker: What, like, mix it yourself?
Boss: Yup! I’m going to jerk it right here at my desk!
Rockefeller Plaza
New York, New York
Overheard by: talking-to-hr-about-moving-my-desk
Welcome to The Office
Boss: From now on, people, we’re going to make Perfection our baseline.
The development team laughs.
Developer: Dude, whatever the fuck you’ve been reading, stop it.
1 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Mad William Flint
Like the Difference Between Methodists and Baptists
IT minion, about boss: He started talking to me about Star Trek. I don't know why he thought I'd want to talk about that. I was wearing my Star Wars shirt. I mean, different universe!
Boston, Massachusetts
…Who Says I'm Not Management Material?
Cubicle dweller to another: We should have carpooled in together today so that you could drive me home drunk.
Dallas, Texas
I Was TRYING to Look at Kiddie Porn
Engineer, to the HR director: Just in case you get a phone call about it later, I wasn’t trying to look at gay porn on my computer.
Farmers Branch, Texas
Though I Could Also Picture David Duchovny Saying It
New partner, opening mail: Oh, it's my gold card. Wonder what's the difference between this and a regular Amex.
Smart-ass IT guy: Well, it creates a gravitational anomaly when you whip it out in high-end restaurants, causing all the girls' panties to hit the floor.
New partner: I could have asked a thousand people that question, only you would have given that answer.
Winnipeg
Canadia
The Erotic Appeal Of Betty Boop: Explained.
Coworker, whispering to another: She has such nice eyebrows; so neatly trimmed. Makes you think she keeps other places tidy.
Bay Shore, New York
You’ll Have to Find Someplace Else to Store Your Plastic Scuba Divers
Principal over loud speaker: Attention, students, I repeat: the 400-level office is not an aquarium!
Montour High School Administration Building
McKees Rocks, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: nemo