Woman on phone: Tomorrow I have to go to the alternation place to get my dress alternated.
Schaumburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Emily
Archive for June, 2018
Whenever I Can Massage My Schedule Appropriately
Associate #1: I’ve been planning to do that when I get a day off.
Associate #2: Ok… So when do you get off?
Law Firm
Johannesburg
South Africa
Overheard by: Luke Wolfson
Stop Making It Out of Intestines
Coworker: What’s it gonna take to get you to eat this sausage?
Merchandise Mart
Chicago, Illinois
2PM Call Maintenance Deptartment
Woman on phone: You need to have someone come by and fix the fan in the men’s restroom. If that thing is not working, we are dead, baby!
Kirtland Air Force Base
Albuquerque, New Mexico
You Celebrate Your Way, I’ll Celebrate Mine
Worker: What are those [paper bags with names on them]?
Boss: They’re for the holocaust thing today. … um, we’re remembering the holocaust, we’re not having another one.
East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
1PM Lunch
Secretary: You look kind of like Bill Gates.
Specialist: I don’t look dorky enough.
Secretary: How dorky do you not think you look?
25 Sigourney Street
Hartford, Connecticut
Subs and Doms are a Dime a Dozen, But a Switch Is Way More Interesting
Boss to worker: We’re like this. (crosses fingers) I just haven’t figured out which of us is on top yet.
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: K
Unless He’s in a Small, Enclosed Space — That’s Where He Does His Suicide and His Hurting
Grunt on phone: I have claustrophobia and am not suicidal. I am not going to hurt anybody.
1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: DB
…or The Real World?
Coworker #1: You know those warehouses where the kids go when they have no parents?
Coworker #2: Are you talking about an orphanage?
Chattanooga, Tennessee
If This Were a John Grisham Book, He’d Be Murdered by Now.
Peon in meeting, after VP has announced new sales pitch: So we’re basically ripping off customers.
(sudden group silence)
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Go!
