Insurance agent on phone: I don't care if she's a bleeder!
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: maybe I do!
Archive for March, 2018
I'm under a Lot Of Pressure to Look Good.
Always medicated coworker: So John*, are you feeling better today?
John: Yes, thanks. By the way, your hair looks nice today.
Always medicated coworker: Yeah, I think it's the sinus infection.
Broadview Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: PrincessButtercup
Career Tip: Be the Office Grownup, Dear Reader
Office worker to colleagues: Yesterday, *jack* ran the dishwasher at 4 pm because it was very nearly full. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do, maybe it was the right thing. What it was not I guarantee you was the end of the world. The next time you feel a hot rage build at the sight of an errant bowl or spoon, please, take a deep breath. Consider a stroll through madison square park. Or do something much more radical and put the bowl where it belongs, even if it's not your problem according to the rules. It won't hurt you I promise.
220 Fifth Ave, NYC
Take What, Exactly? No, Don't Tell Me.
Cute gay guy: Tome Cruise and Katie Holmes were looking for an apartment on my street.
Female coworker: Oh, really?
Cute gay guy: Yeah, I live on Toorak Road. If they move there, I wanna steal Suri. And have crazy bum sex on my balcony! (demonstrates by thrusting in the air) Take that, Scientology!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Giggling
10AM Take Care of Jury Duty
Judge: So what does your wife do for a living?
Potential juror: Nothing.
Judge: She does nothing?
Potential juror: Nope.
Judge: Do you have kids?
Potential juror: Yes.
Judge: Yeah, she does “nothing”.
265 East 161st Street
Bronx, New York
Overheard by: John
It Was Butt Cleavage, Too
Attorney to older male clerk: Remember, they have to be issued before April!
Female paralegal to older male clerk: You're gonna have to show cleavage at the court!
Older male clerk: I tried that once; they took eight weeks!
Female legal assistant, muttering: There's your mental image for the rest of the day!
Law Offices
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Cubed Up Nearby
Specifically the Ones Who Are Plastic Surgeons
Copywriter (after watching a 1980s video on YouTube): YouTube is my fountain of youth.
Graphic designer: Young boys are mine.
Sex Toy Factory
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Looks like Diva
10AM Contact Miami Offices
Senior Manager: [Justine] just asked me if you heard from the Miami system about the problem we had on Friday afternoon.
Manager: No. They were preparing for Wilma to hit them…oh, about now.
1400 Walnut Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
She'll Also Say This When She Gets a Pink Slip
Legal secretary: And then the phone calls started to peter out.
Paralegal: What? Peter? As in “dick”?
Legal secretary: No! “Peter out” means “to come slowly to an end.”
Paralegal: Oh. (pauses) Still sounds a lot like a dick.
Greenwood, South Carolina
Overheard by: Wondering if everything has to be naughty
How Barney the Dinosaur Comes Onto Chicks
Female employee, from her cube: Did you get use of Mr. Purple today?
Marlborough, Massachusetts