Archive for January, 2018

Don’t Put Him to Sleep Un­til Af­ter the Raise

Em­ploy­ee: Why can’t you just in­stall that for me?
Su­per­vi­sor: Be­cause I’m not go­ing to spend an hour out of my day in­stalling this on your crap­py com­put­er on­ly to find out that it still does­n’t work and end up spend­ing even more of my pre­cious time try­ing to fix some­thing that is­n’t fix­able and wind up mak­ing my life hell by hear­ing you bitch about this all the time. On­ly to make you hap­py.
Em­ploy­ee: So, is that a no?
Su­per­vi­sor: You’re damn right it is.
Em­ploy­ee: Well, then can I just get a new com­put­er so I won’t have this prob­lem?
Su­per­vi­sor: Fine. Any­thing to get you off my back.
Em­ploy­ee: Can I get a raise?
Su­per­vi­sor: Don’t push it.
Em­ploy­ee: I think you need to take a nap.

1801 E. 9th Street
Cleve­land, Ohio

No Thanks– I Have Them on Speed Di­al.

CSR to friend: So ap­par­ent­ly my lym­phede­ma makes me more like­ly to get can­cer in the fu­ture…
Boss, in­ter­rupt­ing: That’s a re­lief. Not that I’d wish can­cer on you. More the fact that you’re more like­ly to get it than me. I like that sort of news. We need more of that around here! (walks off).
CSR’s friend: Here’s HR’s num­ber.


Over­heard by: Try­ing to hide