Woman in bathroom stall to woman in neighboring stall: Yeah, she the one who did my son’s circumcision. She did a bang up job.
Olathe, Kansas
Archive for January, 2018
Why Men Are Seldom Allowed to Organize Play Groups
Coworkers, discussing three-year-old sons: We should have our kids cage fight.
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Heather
Great, Then What Am I Eating??
Office man: Watermelon seeds look like ticks.
Office lady: No, they don’t.
Office man: Yes they do!
Office lady: They don’t have legs!
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Don’t Put Him to Sleep Until After the Raise
Employee: Why can’t you just install that for me?
Supervisor: Because I’m not going to spend an hour out of my day installing this on your crappy computer only to find out that it still doesn’t work and end up spending even more of my precious time trying to fix something that isn’t fixable and wind up making my life hell by hearing you bitch about this all the time. Only to make you happy.
Employee: So, is that a no?
Supervisor: You’re damn right it is.
Employee: Well, then can I just get a new computer so I won’t have this problem?
Supervisor: Fine. Anything to get you off my back.
Employee: Can I get a raise?
Supervisor: Don’t push it.
Employee: I think you need to take a nap.
1801 E. 9th Street
Cleveland, Ohio
How Did You Get Both Feet into One Sock?
Boss: You know those people from Saudi Arabia?
Assistant: Yes.
Boss: Are they Iranians?
Franklin Avenue
New York, New York
Printers Practice Malicious Compliance
PhD-level analyst: Oh, the copier is printing the whole five hundred pages of that report! I only want the first page! Stop, stop, stop! Why wont it stop?!
Temp: You have to actually press a button. It doesn’t work on voice command…
75 Washington Avenue
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: brian brinegar
5PM Pick Up Kids
Teacher: I don’t know if my students will regress enough to qualify for summer services.
Principal: You should play music really loud when you test them.
299 Rathbun Willard Drive
Attleboro, Massachusetts
It’s a Matter of Opinion
Coworker: Do they speak English in Maine?
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: Native of Maine
No Thanks– I Have Them on Speed Dial.
CSR to friend: So apparently my lymphedema makes me more likely to get cancer in the future…
Boss, interrupting: That’s a relief. Not that I’d wish cancer on you. More the fact that you’re more likely to get it than me. I like that sort of news. We need more of that around here! (walks off).
CSR’s friend: Here’s HR’s number.
Newcastle
England
Overheard by: Trying to hide
They Make You Dig Through Manure for It
Boss on phone: The Farmers’ market? Oh right. They have food there.
Center City
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: DyingMentally
