Archive for 2017

3PM Smoke Break

Work­er #1: I don’t want to do­nate my or­gans when I die. Those doc­tors make too much prof­it off the surg­eries.
Work­er #2: Does your wife know this? Be­cause I’m pret­ty sure your next-of-kin can over­ride your de­ci­sion.
Work­er #1: Is that true? I would beat my wife in heav­en if she do­nat­ed my or­gans af­ter I was dead.

111 South 34th Street
Phoenix, Ari­zona

I’m Go­ing to Give Him One More Chance…

Chick #1: He did­n’t even give me flow­ers to­day.
Chick #2: I can’t be­lieve that.
Chick #1: I know. I mean, if you fuck a girl and knock her up, you give her flow­ers on Valen­tine’s Day, mis­car­riage or not.
Chick #2: For re­al.

Mc­Cormick Road
Hunt Val­ley, Mary­land

Over­heard by: Jen­na

Iron­i­cal­ly, This Is a Drug Trans­ac­tion

Client: Sor­ry I did­n’t call you yes­ter­day, I had to chase my 25-pound dog for 40 blocks.
Sales rep: Oh yeah? What kind of dog?
Client: Ap­par­ent­ly a Mex­i­can one, if he can’t un­der­stand when I tell him to stop.
Sales rep: That just means he pre­tends not to speak Eng­lish so he does­n’t have to lis­ten to you.

Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: Claris­sa StTa­cocrotch