Archive for 2017

If Our Customers Won’t Behave, We Fire Them

VP on phone with angry customer: Well, I’m sorry that nobody has been here to take your calls or return your messages yet. We’ve been busy in the office lately… Yes, I understand it’s frustrating, but we’re doing all we can… Okay, look Larry*, look — the reason nobody’s here whenever you call is because we just got caller ID last week, and everybody ignores you because nobody wants to deal with you because you’re an asshole… Yeah, I heard you were a real piece of work to our receptionist… You’re an asshole! Yeah? Well, I don’t care if we have your business anymore. Asshole!

Beltsville, Maryland

Overheard by: The abused receptionist

The Court Limited Mom to an Inflatable Car

Girl #1: Hey, when is that festival?
Girl #2: I think it’s sometime in the beginning of May?
Girl #1: We should totally go.
Girl #2: Yes… It will be fun, we can run over pedestrians like your mom did that one time.
Girl #1: Oh yeah! I forgot about that…
Girl #2: Haha, she just kept driving.

Greene Turtle, Main Street
Bel Air, Maryland

Overheard by: GlynnisO

…Bragging.

Coworker on cell: I don't mean to brag, but I am on YouTube…

Swiftwater, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: wookie