Archive for 2017

As All Brooklyn Welfare Mothers Know, Nails Are More Important than Parenting

Ghetto woman: I’m only here because I got a gift certificate. I hate Manhattan. I never come here. I can’t stand it. Everyone is just so rude. All the time. So rude. I would never be able to keep my mouth shut to some of these people.
Nail technician: Where do you work?
Ghetto woman: Over here, at sixth and 23rd. I hate it though. That’s why I live out in the county.
Nail technician: Oh! Where do you live?
Ghetto woman: Brooklyn. Tommy! Sit still in that chair for godsakes!!

14th St & 6th Ave
New York City

Overheard by: seriously?

(Whisper, Whisper) You Mean Those Yellow People Live Here Now?!

Peon, with Asian friend: Boss, I’d like to introduce you to my friend from Charlotte, Amy*. She’s stayin’ out here with me for a few days, then heading back home.
Boss: Nice to meet you! Where are you from?
Amy: Charlotte, North Carolina.
Boss: How long have you lived there?
Amy: I was born there — 25 years now.
Boss: Wow! How do you like it?
Amy: Like what?
Boss: America!
Amy: I, uh… I like it?
Boss: Do you think you’ll ever go back?
Amy: Yeah, I leave Sunday.
Boss: Wow! Well, I hope you enjoyed your American vacation!

Office party
Nashville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Jesse