Archive for 2017

1PM Lunch

Co-worker #1: You should say this word [unintelligible] next time you have a curry.
Co-worker #2: What does it mean?
Co-worker #1: Just say it, then get ready to run.
Co-worker #2: What language is it?
Co-worker #1: You know what they all speak. Muslim.

Shell Oil
Rig T/O S711
North Sea

…Unless He Knocks Me Up, Too.

Coworker #1: He thinks he's slick, trying to be sneaky all the time.
Coworker #2: Girl, forget him! It's time to do you!
Coworker #1: I will! My time will come!
Coworker #2: I hear that!
Coworker #1: First we gotta find out if her baby is really his, then I'm through with him…

The Bronx, New York

Who Does This Hurt, Though?

Coworker, answering phone after ignoring it four times: Hello? (pause) Yeah, listen Dave, can this wait? I'm a little busy. (pause) Look, I'm just busy. (pause) Dave, I'm taking my after-lunch shit, leave me alone. (pause) No, I'll be back in like ten minutes. (pause) Yeah, ten minutes, I like to enjoy my after-lunch crap. (pause) No… no… Yes. (pause) Look, I'll be back soon, just hold tight. (pause) Dave, you're hands down the biggest pain in the ass ever. You're a bigger pain in the ass than this turd I'm trying to squeeze out of my butt as we speak. I'm going to hang up right now and when I'm done shitting, I'm going take a picture of this turd with my cell phone and everytime you call, this picture is going to show up on my screen.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: dude in next stall over