Archive for 2017

Whip­ping Po­lit­i­cal Slaves Keeps the Weight in Check

Vis­it­ing Eu­ro­pean ac­count man­ag­er: Hel­lo [Katie], how nice to see you again. I am back for fac­to­ry vis­it!
Chi­nese Sales Rep: Hi, wel­come you to of­fice again! You are look much fat­ter than last time! Every time, fat­ter and fat­ter!
Vis­it­ing Eu­ro­pean ac­count man­ag­er: …yes…well…really…

188 Dong Cheng Da Dao
Dong Guan, Chi­na

I’ll Do My Best to Live Up to That. Now

Boss: You’re out smok­ing again? I thought you were quit­ting?
As­sis­tant: I start tak­ing the Chan­tix to­mor­row morn­ing, smoke for a week and throw the cig­a­rettes away and dou­ble the dose.
Boss: Okay, can I give you shit for it?
As­sis­tant: All you want, I’ll be a com­plete bitch and make your life hell.
Boss on in­ter­com: Every­one, you have the next 2 months off: as­sis­tant is go­ing to be a big­ger bitch than usu­al.

Foun­tain Val­ley, Cal­i­for­nia

Why the Ger­mans Were Lost When the Berlin Wall Came Down

Boss #1: Most of our peo­ple in phil­an­thropy are on coke… They get the work done, but the meet­ings are like coke con­ven­tions.
Boss #2: I had an ex-girl­friend who was al­ways on a lot of coke. I did­n’t know it, though. I thought she just had a lot of en­er­gy. Once, when she was re­al­ly high, I had to throw her against a wall to snap her out of it.
Boss #1: Well, that’s what you have to do some­times.

Mi­a­mi, Flori­da