Archive for 2017

I Can Be Sub­orned, Bob

Col­league, stir­ring pow­dered co­coa mix in­to yo­gurt: Dammit, no one ever pays any at­ten­tion to me un­til I do some­thing just slight­ly gross, and then there’s al­ways a wit­ness!

Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia


Some­times I Find My­self Ac­ci­den­tal­ly Throw­ing Rocks at Them

Cowork­er #1: Hey, Shani­qua can you hand me that cof­fee?
Cowork­er #2 (very an­gry): My name is not Shaniqua–that’s racist. Just be­cause I’m black does­n’t mean I have a name like that.
Cowork­er #1 (de­fen­sive­ly): That is­n’t racism–it’s a joke. Call­ing some­one by a name that is­n’t theirs is­n’t racist. You should­n’t be so quick to call some­one a racist.
Cowork­er #3 (af­ter some con­sid­er­a­tion): I thought about what you said ear­li­er and you’re right. Be­sides, every­one is racist to some de­gree. Even my­self. I find that I’m racist against fat peo­ple even though I don’t mean to be.

Du­luth, Geor­gia

To Be Fair, Even Gay Men Love My Breasts.

Suit #1: I saw a show where the cook made food out of his wife’s breast milk. Then he gave it to peo­ple to taste. That’s weird.
Suit #2: Not re­al­ly weird. Hu­mans drink breast milk. Peo­ple like breasts and will al­ways be on the hunt for breasts–even when they’re as young as ba­bies!

Jer­sey City, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Hobo Whis­per­er