Archive for 2017

I Can Be Suborned, Bob

Colleague, stirring powdered cocoa mix into yogurt: Dammit, no one ever pays any attention to me until I do something just slightly gross, and then there's always a witness!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Sometimes I Find Myself Accidentally Throwing Rocks at Them

Coworker #1: Hey, Shaniqua can you hand me that coffee?
Coworker #2 (very angry): My name is not Shaniqua–that's racist. Just because I'm black doesn't mean I have a name like that.
Coworker #1 (defensively): That isn't racism–it's a joke. Calling someone by a name that isn't theirs isn't racist. You shouldn't be so quick to call someone a racist.
Coworker #3 (after some consideration): I thought about what you said earlier and you're right. Besides, everyone is racist to some degree. Even myself. I find that I'm racist against fat people even though I don't mean to be.

Duluth, Georgia

To Be Fair, Even Gay Men Love My Breasts.

Suit #1: I saw a show where the cook made food out of his wife's breast milk. Then he gave it to people to taste. That's weird.
Suit #2: Not really weird. Humans drink breast milk. People like breasts and will always be on the hunt for breasts–even when they're as young as babies!

Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer