Archive for November, 2017

Iron­i­cal­ly, This Is a Drug Trans­ac­tion

Client: Sor­ry I did­n’t call you yes­ter­day, I had to chase my 25-pound dog for 40 blocks.
Sales rep: Oh yeah? What kind of dog?
Client: Ap­par­ent­ly a Mex­i­can one, if he can’t un­der­stand when I tell him to stop.
Sales rep: That just means he pre­tends not to speak Eng­lish so he does­n’t have to lis­ten to you.

Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: Claris­sa StTa­cocrotch

Mon­keys Use 3‑Ring Binders

Cowork­er #1: Do you know what sets us apart from all oth­er hu­man species?
Cowork­er #2: Ah… what is that?
Cowork­er #1: Pa­per clips. See this pa­per clip in my hand. Mon­key’s don’t have these.

Twin Cities, Min­neso­ta

Plus He’ll Nev­er Play Naked Again

Cus­tomer #1: He was whack­ing it, and when I say whack­ing, I mean he was re­al­ly go­ing at it!
Cus­tomer #2: So you saw him do it?
Cus­tomer #1: Yeah, he was re­al­ly em­bar­rassed af­ter­wards, but at least he was en­joy­ing him­self.
Cus­tomer #2: So what hap­pened?
Cus­tomer #1: He was hit­ting it too hard and it snapped!
Cus­tomer #2: Oh… So you need a new PlaySta­tion con­troller then?
Cus­tomer #1: Yeah.