Female coworker to another: I thought I was having a miscarriage when you called last night. Or it might have been just bad tacos.
McAlen, Texas
Archive for November, 2017
2PM Network Check
IT guy: Let me make sure everything is kosher with the server.
Brand manager: Do you need a rabbi for that?
IT guy: All the servers come with a rabbi chip now.
259 Granby Street
Norfolk, Virginia
One Company Where Everybody Works Hard
IT guy: Hey, do you have any DVDs?
Communications manager: Like blank ones?
IT guy: No, recorded, I need to test something.
Communications manager: I don't have anything, but Bob* might have some porn.
IT guy, thrilled: All right!
Sex Toy Compan
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess
I'm Just Skinny! Wheee!
Sales rep to another: Turns out I'm not on heroin.
Waltham, Massachusetts
Ironically, This Is a Drug Transaction
Client: Sorry I didn't call you yesterday, I had to chase my 25-pound dog for 40 blocks.
Sales rep: Oh yeah? What kind of dog?
Client: Apparently a Mexican one, if he can't understand when I tell him to stop.
Sales rep: That just means he pretends not to speak English so he doesn't have to listen to you.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Clarissa StTacocrotch
Monkeys Use 3-Ring Binders
Coworker #1: Do you know what sets us apart from all other human species?
Coworker #2: Ah… what is that?
Coworker #1: Paper clips. See this paper clip in my hand. Monkey's don't have these.
Twin Cities, Minnesota
Poor Senator McCain
Manager: I can't take any time off between jobs, with what my wife spends. I have to jump on the next job before she empties out our bank account.
Raritan, New Jersey
Plus He'll Never Play Naked Again
Customer #1: He was whacking it, and when I say whacking, I mean he was really going at it!
Customer #2: So you saw him do it?
Customer #1: Yeah, he was really embarrassed afterwards, but at least he was enjoying himself.
Customer #2: So what happened?
Customer #1: He was hitting it too hard and it snapped!
Customer #2: Oh… So you need a new PlayStation controller then?
Customer #1: Yeah.
K-Mart
Australia
What Every Day Is Like at Ghostbusters Headquarters
Guy behind counter, looking at something on the floor: I don't know what it is, but it's gooey…
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Chris Who Isn't Dead
Mr. Peanut Can Get Very Salty
Tech guy: She can superscript these nuts.
Columbus, Ohio