Man smoking outside office door: What year is this anyway? It’s 2006, isn’t it?
Goswell Road
London
England
Overheard by: Ava
Archive for September, 2017
Mr. Frost Was More Of a Character Assassin
Hick #1: Oh, Frost/Nixon. I wanted to see this.
Hick #2: What’s it about?
Hick #1: It’s about when Nixon gets assassinated.
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: I just work here
No One Needs to Know I Bought Encino Man
Coworker #1: The new shredder shreds CDs… Cool.
Coworker #2: Yeah! And it shreds DVDs, too!
Columbia, Maryland
Overheard by: it says moops
Another Tip from My Big Book of Rainy-Day Activities
Female peon: I love eating a rare steak and then sopping up all the juice with some bread.
Male peon: You know what I like? To puncture a hole in a small animal that runs by my house and catch the blood like a fountain.
Female peon: Um, yeah, that would work, too.
4653 Cotton Gin Loop
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: RebeccaB
Your Editors Are Still Giggling About “Conshohocken”
Office drone: That guy is like a cross between a goldfish and a pimple. He doesn’t have much going on between his ears, he’s unsightly, and he never goes away as fast as you want him to.
Conshohocken, Pennsylvania
At the Greenpeace Prosthetic Whale Penis Factory
Male coworker #1: Well, we played with it enough, it’s not hanging out as much.
Male supervisor: Yeah, if you beat on it enough, eventually these things go in.
(uncomfortable silence)
Male supervisor: Do you think I could go see it?
Male coworker #2: Yeah, just make sure you don’t pull on it!
Richland, Washington
Overheard by: I think they were talking about a server…
Right after Our Mandatory Three PM Mani/Pedi
Supervisor: Hey, we’re all here today… Let’s have a meeting!
Employee #1: About what?
Employee #2: American Idol!
Financial center
New York, New York
Overheard by: working hard
But It Turns Out I Was Wrong
Receptionist on phone in earshot of a client: She said that she told her manager, ‘I hate my fucking job.’ I told her that it was completely inappropriate to say ‘fuck’ at work.
Austin, Texas
Mom’s No Miracle Worker
Mom, as toddler runs into doorway: Look out, Helen Keller!
E Hadley Road
Indiana
Overheard by: Amanda
Um, This Is Chuck E. Cheese, Sir.
Manager on phone: Making kids restaurant-friendly… Here’s a tip, hire a babysitter. The number one problem with the housing bust is that instead of moving out of my hip, edgy neighborhood when they want to start a family, couples can’t, so they breed in place, which totally inconveniences me.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: iheartmaps
