Grunt #1: What’s wrong with Debbie*?
Grunt #2: Uh, something’s wrong with the gonads on her vocal cords.
Grunt #1: You mean ‘nodules’?
Grunt #2: Oh, yeah.
Colleyville, Texas
Overheard by: quite amused
Archive for August, 2017
…But Think Of It As an Investment in Your Future.
Doctor, on conference call: I might be teaching you to suck eggs…
Alexandria, Virginia
Bringing the Grand Total to Three
Young, blonde female: Um, wow, I just cracked my spine and grew, like, an inch.
Male supervisor: Yeah, I just grew, like, an inch watching you.
3rd Street and Colorado Street
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Miss Informed
I’m Really Psyched About the Mona Lisa
Worker #1: Yeah, we’re excited to see Scotland.
Worker #2: What’s on your list to see in Scotland?
Worker #1: Well I really want to see Stonehenge!
Worker #2: Stonehenge is in England.
Worker #1: Wait…what did you ask?
Redmond, Washington
Those Red Pills Taste Like Cherry!
Woman: What the hell? People disappear like it’s the damn Matrix.
32 Old Slip
New York, NY
Overheard by: Kevz
She Evaluates Everything on That Scale
Man in plastic surgeon’s waiting room: Why are you doing this?
Woman: Well, it costs less than a pool… but more than a Jacuzzi tub.
12 Greenwich Avenue
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: jenny power
There Can Be No Obesity without Denial
Office girl #1: I don’t like lettuce.
Office girl #2: You don’t eat lettuce? Why’d you get a salad?
Office girl #1: Because I need to lose weight! I’m getting fat!
Office girl #2: What else is that in your salad?
Office girl #1: Chicken.
Office girl #2: Grilled or fried?
Office girl #1: Ummm… Fried…
Office girl #2: Uh-huh… Is that cheese I see in there?
Office girl #1: Yes!
Office girl #2: And are those Bacon Bits?
Office girl #1: Shut up! And no, it’s real bacon!
Office girl #2: And you aren’t gonna eat the lettuce?
Office girl #1: I will stab you with my fork! Go away!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
You Just Said a Mouthful, Sister.
Coworker #1: Dammit, I wanted Tao chai.
Coworker #2: What’s stopping you?
Coworker #1: I’m already tea-bagging.
W 26th St
New York City, New York
Glad and Sorry, Actually
Coworker #1: I’ve had “Come Dancing” by The Kinks in my head all morning.
Coworker #2: I’m glad you said “by The Kinks”.
One World Financial Center
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Bryan
A Phenomenon I Refer to As The Streisand Syndrome
Manager to humming receptionist: You have a nice voice.
Receptionist: Yeah?
Manager: Well, not when you talk.
Scotts Valley, California
Overheard by: Mari
