Archive for July, 2017

Okay, So Part of That Was in My Head

Professor: A few years ago I had a student ask me for an alternative final because he had scheduled a vacation in Barcelona for the week of the final. I told him, ‘Die, yuppie scum! And no.’

Engineering building, UC Santa Cruz
California

Overheard by: Jessica P.

3PM Covering All the Bases

Employee: We just need the style guide to spell out everything, in complete detail. It’s mainly for like, legal reasons; to cover our bases.
Intern trainee: Oh. So I guess it’s like how blow-dryer labels say “do not put in mouth while in use.” Not like it’s a pressing issue, but there’s always that one retard that’s gonna fuck shit up.
Employee: Uh…sure.
Intern: OK, cool. As long as I’m getting this.

777 San Marin Drive
Novato, California

Overheard by: Max Guevara

Just Go Reread That Last Line

Co-worker #1: After work I need to go to…to…that place where you take your mail to?
Co-worker #2: The post office?
Co-worker #1: No…The ups store.
Co-worker #2: You mean the UPS store.
Co-worker #1: I think so.

1225 State Street
Erie, Pennsylvania

Sometimes a Box Pun Quote Just Makes Our Day

Female older admin: That’s not my box.
Male supervisor: Well, it was listed as yours.
Female older admin: Not my box. Not my box.
Male supervisor: Well, maybe Kate just thought it looked like yours.
Female older admin: Nope. (pause) I am still missing my box. That is not my box.
Male supervisor: Hmmm, Caroline was missing her box too, maybe this is her box. (louder) Hey Caroline, what does your box look like?
Caroline: What?
Female older admin, under breath: Not my box.

Brooklyn Center, Minnesota

Overheard by: I’m tired today.

Once You Try a Giant Mutated Rat Sensei, You Never Go Back

Lady peon #1: Have you been following this e‑mail chain? Derek* wrote that he was going to send his ninja friends after her, and Karen* wrote back, ‘Which ones? Leonardo or Donatello?’ Then Derek replied, ‘Splinter.‘
Lady peon #2: I love Splinter!
Lady peon #1: Yeah, me too. That’s what I was going to write back to them.

555 West Monroe Street
Chicago, Illinois