Boss: These cookies are good. Tastes like there's Ex-lax in 'em.
Charleston, South Carolina
Archive for July, 2017
Lie Down With Cats, Wake Up With Kittens, I Suppose
Girl in copy room to coworker: So, yeah, I was running late this morning because I had to throw away a cat.
Coworker: That sucks. Your boobs look good in that shirt, though.
Girl in copy room: Hey, thanks!
Beaumont, Texas
Why God Invented Admins
Co-worker: You know, it’s pretty hard to kiss your own ass…
1500 E. Medical Center Drive
Ann Arbor, Michigan
I’d Be Disbarred If It Came Out That I Could Understand Plain English
Attorney #1: Does anyone know why I can’t access my computer’s S drive?
Attorney #2: Oh, I know the problem. It’s an operator error!
Attorney #1: What does that mean?
Madera, California
Overheard by: Shawn
But the Odds Must Be Bigger
Assistant: This Rubik’s cube is a little harder than this one.
Manager: Actually they’re the same, one’s just smaller.
Assistant: Yeah, but this one’s harder to solve…
Manager: No, I mean mathematically it’s exactly the same.
2301 M Street, NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Tobias
Before I Order I Want You Both to Wash Your Hands, Okay?
Cube rat to another: … Or you could try masturbating five times in one day!
Customer, entering moments before: [Clears her throat.]Cube rats: … Shit.
NW 39th Street
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Don't Act Like This Isn't in Your Job Description
Editor, about to show tv show to office before lay-off: Okay, are you ready?
Production assistant: Yeah, what am I looking for again?
Editor: Um, Pastease… Ass cracks and nipples.
Chappaqua, New York
I've Never Been Pregnant, Sir.
Security guard: I don't remember you ever not being pregnant.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Why “Can I Help You With Anything?” Can Be a Dangerous Question.
Large effeminate guy with German accent: These are the metallic pencils you do not have! (waves crayola box at employee)
Employee: Okay… Sir?
German guy: Do you know vat I am making? A portrait of Al Pacino! To really capture his manliness! Once I did a picture in charcoal but my art teacher said to really get the effect, I vould haf to burn it!
Joann's Fabrics
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: manybellsdown
Just to Be Safe, I Better Buy a Backup TV
Coworker: Bon jovi's on American Idol?! Good god, this calls for a new pack of batteries and the tv on in the bedroom!
Portland, Oregon