Woman #1, waiting for elevator: We should really take the stairs.
Woman #2: Yeah. I’ve been trying to take the stairs more.
(they proceed to wait another three minutes, until elevator finally comes)
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Archive for June, 2017
He’s Got a Business Model on the Tip of His Tongue
Student #1: I had a real question! I really wanted to know the answer, and he acted like it was a joke.
Student #2: So. what was the question?
Student #1: How does a blind person know when they’re done wiping?
Student #2: … What, there’s no punch line?
Student #1: That’s what my teacher asked, but I really want to know the answer — it’s a valid question!
Student #2: Well, I’ll ask my uncle next time I see him.
Elevator, Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois
Dude, You’re Not Getting That Dell!
Customer: Yeah, like I need to get this purchase authorized for school supplies and stuff.
CSR: Yes, sir. Can you tell me the primary cardholder’s name?
Customer: Yeah, that would be me. My name is on the card.
CSR: No sir, you are on the account. I need the primary cardholder; is he available?
Customer: No, he is in Florida or Georgia or something. Dude call my Dad, he can tell you all about it.
CSR: I need to ask you some security questions first. Do you know the primary cardholder’s date of birth?
Customer: Uh, dude, this really sucks…I can’t remember his birthday…Dude that’s pretty sad I don’t even know my father’s birthday.
CSR: OK, sir can you give me the last 4 digits of the social security number on the account for the primary cardholder.
Customer: Dude, are you kidding? I will tell you anything about me that you want to know I just want to get this stuff going, y’know?
CSR: Sir, can you hold?
Customer: Sure.
2 minutes pass.
CSR: OK sir, I have blocked the card. Please inform your father that he will need to give us a call to take the block off the card.
Customer. Dude, this fucking sucks. I have any information you need about me, why can’t you call my dad?
CSR: I am not calling your dad sir, please inform him that he will need to give us a call to have the block taken off the card.
Customer: Dude you are really starting to piss me off, dude.
CSR: Sir you can’t verify any of the security questions, and I can’t approve this transaction.
Customer: …Dude call my dad! He will give you anything you want to know.
CSR: I am not calling your dad, sir.
Customer: Dude, you have so just lost 4 accounts!
3615 Brotherton Road
Cincinnati, Ohio
…Should I Send You a Confirmation Email?
Coworker on phone: I got your message to ignore your message.
Burbank, California
Overheard by: Urz
The Civil War Re-enactors Ruined That for Everybody
Employee: Do you think I can leave my machete on display? I moved my plants and posters.
Supervisor: Machete, cool. Bayonet, not cool. I already asked HR.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Overheard by: I Think I’ll Request A Different Cubicle
Um, I Meant I’m Having a Baby
Chubby 19-year-old cashier, to coworker that said she had gained some weight: No, its just baby fat.
Coworker: What? Girl, what my baby’s got is baby fat… you just got fat.
Greenwich Village
Manhattan, New York
Why Nigerian Emails Work
Coworker viewing a Myspace page: Jeff Buckley’s online! He’s dead, how is he doing this?
Frances Avenue
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
…Bitch
Large lady, pressing wrong button in elevator: Oh, I thought I was going to the gym!
Small lady: You really need to go to the gym.
Large lady: I know.
Los Angeles, California
On the Plus Side, They Can Name at Least Two Presidents.
Boss to underling: Who was President after Lincoln?
Underling: Wasn’t Carter after Lincoln?
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: About a 100 years after
Have You Tried Yoga?
Secretary, exasperated: Dennis’s thing is just not fitting in my slot properly!
Melville, New York
