Boss to intern: The gym is a great place for networking. You tend to have a bit more pull with your colleagues when you see them naked in the locker room every morning.
Bellingham, Washington
Archive for April, 2017
Yo, Let Me Hit That Beer Bong before I Write This Deposition
White coworker: Yo, last night was like a fuckin’ rap video! We had a limo and a bottle of fine-ass champagne! And then we went to the Hustler club! Oh, and I’m still wasted. When is the trial date for [technology company]?
153 Lexington Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: A. Goldstein
Chicks Get All the Cool Medical Excuses
Female office worker: My mother’s having surgery to remove a tumor in her breast today, so count me out for the lunch meeting, I’m going to wait for a phone call on her condition.
Male office worker (uncomfortably): Uh, I hope she’s ok. Have you heard from Chris today?
Female office worker: No, he’s coming in, right?
Male office worker: As far as I know, hope he doesn’t have breast cancer.
Law Firm
New York City, New York
Mind the Generation Gap
Boss, in response to employees discussing Project Runway: Oh, what is that? A show about airports?
Washington, DC
You Can Laugh– Just Pretend You’re Coughing
Female employee #1: So you’re telling me you don’t understand?
Female employee #2: Of course I don’t get it, I’m legally blonde at heart, and Polish to boot!
Male employee: I don’t know if I’m allowed to laugh at that… Because its actually kinda racist.
Denver, Colorado
‘Color Melanin Jones’
Girl: So I have this friend with an eight-month-old baby, and she named him ‘Color.’ It’s a little weird, because the baby’s dad is African-American… But the baby looks really white, so that makes it better.
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
9AM I Can’t Deal With These People
Employee #1: What shavers do you use?
Employee #2: I use #1 on the face and #2 on my head
Employee #3: You take #1 to the face and #2 on the head?
251 Consumers Road
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
…Lord
Female coworker: I would never leave you such a message, nor tell you to suck anything.
Raleigh, North Carolina
I Can Be Suborned, Bob
Colleague, stirring powdered cocoa mix into yogurt: Dammit, no one ever pays any attention to me until I do something just slightly gross, and then there’s always a witness!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Sometimes I Find Myself Accidentally Throwing Rocks at Them
Coworker #1: Hey, Shaniqua can you hand me that coffee?
Coworker #2 (very angry): My name is not Shaniqua – that’s racist. Just because I’m black doesn’t mean I have a name like that.
Coworker #1 (defensively): That isn’t racism – it’s a joke. Calling someone by a name that isn’t theirs isn’t racist. You shouldn’t be so quick to call someone a racist.
Coworker #3 (after some consideration): I thought about what you said earlier and you’re right. Besides, everyone is racist to some degree. Even myself. I find that I’m racist against fat people even though I don’t mean to be.
Duluth, Georgia
