Cubicle drone to another: Your desk gets jacked so much, I stopped stealing from you. That's how bad it is.
Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Archive for April, 2017
War Veterans Always Win These Contests
Female office worker #1: I had a job stuffing envelopes and it destroyed my cuticles.
Female office worker #2: Yeah, I had one where I had to fold letters all day and I got a ton of paper cuts.
Only male in department: Oh, I have a story about a bloody hand job.
Troy, New York
Overheard by: Sneaker
… Impotence, Incontinence, Flatulence, Priapism…
Training instructor: You should not upgrade the software right when a patch comes out. Sometimes it may have bugs.
Student: So, it’s like when you take a drug, sometimes it can have side effects like—
Training instructor: Yeah, but let’s keep the discussion focused on software.
Student: —Throwing up, vomiting…
Training instructor: Uh, yeah.
Madison, Alabama
1PM Naptime
Sales assistant: What are you doing?
QC guy: Taking a nap.
Sales assistant: You are precariously close to your CPU.
QC guy: What? What is that, a part of my body?
Sales assistant: Right. Don’t call me when you break that computer again.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
3PM Smoke Break
Worker #1: But the nice thing is, this way, you can get up from your desk for a while.
Worker #2: Yeah…I could really use some blood in my ass.
1855 South Grant Street
San Mateo, California
I'm Not Sure We Should Show Requiem for a Dream to New Employees, Though
Coworker #1: Doesn't she know that acid and track marks don't go together?
Coworker #2: But track marks do mean something, that's all she's saying.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: don't talk so loud
… For Babymaking
Partner: If you’re busy making a baby, tell me that. I just want to know who is available.
Tysons Corner
Virginia
Well Done, Dear Colleagues!
Coworker arriving at office: I expect to be greeted with bright, chipper voices in the morning.
Voice down the hall: Shut the hell up!
Government Office
Washington, DC
Tell You What — Half Price for You. You Can Give the Six Dollars to Me
Girl #1: Ummm, we need to make copies, and we don’t want to spend a lot of money.
Student worker: The copier over there is 10 cents, same as everywhere on campus.
Girl #1: That’s so expensive!
Student worker: You could also scan the papers and print them out. That’s free.
Girl #1: What do you mean?
Student worker: Ummm, you can put them on the scanner, hit ‘Scan,’ and then when they pop up, hit ‘Print.’
Girl #1: I don’t know about this whole scanning thing — it sounds really complicated.
Girl #2: But that sounds better than making copies. I mean, we only need 12, and I don’t want to spend 12 dollars.
Campus library, Bemidji State University
Bemidji, Minnesota
They’re Considering Sacking Us
Peon: I can’t believe they’re having us do this even though we’re the low men on the scrotum pole!
Times Square
New York, New York