Female student: Where are you from?
Male student: Milwaukee.
Female student: Oh, you know, I always forget Milwaukee is a state.
Vanderbilt University
Nashville, Tennessee
Archive for January, 2017
If You Like Playing “Stop Hitting Yourself,” You'll Love Sales
Sales rep, to no one in particular: What did five fingers say to the face? Slap!
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
3PM Snack Break
Co-worker: This place runs like a well-oiled banana.
3000 Mountain Creek Parkway
Dallas, Texas
12PM Lunch
Male co-worker #1: Stay away from [Pam]. She knows kickboxing.
Male co-worker #2: So? I know how to run very, very fast.
1250 Broadway
New York, New York
Which Means You Have to Want to
Assistant: Is this poster going to be mandatory?
Manager: We’re going to treat this as being required, but not mandatory.
227 W. Monroe Street
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Caleb Yarian
5PM That’s a Wrap
Office worker: I haven’t heard from him since the last time we talked.
4526 11th Ave NE
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: James eDropper
What, 2016?
Coworker #1: Rio de Janeiro just won the vote to host the 2016 Olympic Games.
Coworker #2: Is that like a perfume?
Charles City, Iowa
Just Part Of the Elaborate Practical Joke That Is Human Reproductive Biology
50-year-old secretary to another: You know, if you need a uterus, you can have mine. It's all flappy and old.
Middle School
Larchmont, New York
Overheard by: Lil' Bill
Too Bad We’re Really More about Following Orders
Professor to group of peers grading cadet exams: Wow, now this kid’s going to grow up to be a serial killer.
US Military Academy, West Point
Highland Falls, New York
Pope Benedict: True Dat
Catholic seminary library employee: Are you going to interview Jane's friend for the position?
Catholic seminary library supervisor: No, I decided she wasn't qualified enough.
Catholic seminary library employee: That's a relief.
Catholic seminary library supervisor, surprised: Why do you say that? Don't you like her?
Catholic seminary library employee: It's just that… Have you ever overheard any of their phone conversations?
Catholic seminary library supervisor: No.
Catholic seminary library employee: It's like they're in a competition over who has the most intense visions of the blessed Virgin Mary. We already get enough of that shit.
California
Overheard by: bless me for I have sinned