Archive for 2016

The Klan Has Fallen on Hard Times

Ghetto girl on cell: Whitey snuck into my apartment and set my alarm clock off by 12 hours! I ain’t never snuck into no white person’s house and put poison in they’re food! But Whitey’s oppressin’ me. Whitey snuck into my apartment while I was in the shower and stole my underwear! While I was in the shower!

545 Bus
Outside Seattle, Washington

Don’t Even Get Them Started on Sippy Cups

Suit #1: What was that?
Suit #2: What?
Suit #1: You just hid something when I came up.
Suit #2: It was my juice box, because it’s… You know…
Suit #1: What? There’s nothing wrong with drinking juice from a box. I love juice boxes.
Assistant, walking up: What are you guys talking about?
Both suits, in unison: Nothing.

Scottsdale, Arizona

Overheard by: Cube Guru

12PM Conference Call

Co-worker #1: Do you know how to do a three-way?
Co-worker #2: Huh?
Co-worker #1: Yeah, [Mario] wants me to do a three-way with him and [Tod] to discuss the proposal.
Co-worker #2: You mean a three-way call, then.
Co-worker #1: Yeah.
Co-worker #2: Oh, well, no I don’t, but I’m sure [Sarah] can show you.

W134 N8675 Executive Parkway
Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Dude

Are You Going Somewhere With This, Bobby?

Child: Zombies have an erection.
Therapist: A what?
Child: They have an erection.
Therapist: Yes, they have a resurrection.
Child: God had an erection too.
Therapist: Yes, I suppose he had one too.
Child: God had one and now he has powers.

Queens, New York