Archive for 2016

That Was Fun, but You Just Made an En­e­my for Life

Da­ta en­try work­er #1: So I told her I need spe­cial glass­es be­cause of my stig­ma­ta.
Da­ta en­try work­er #2: Your what?
Da­ta en­try work­er #1: My stig­ma­ta.
Da­ta en­try work­er #2: You have stig­ma­ta?
Da­ta en­try work­er #1: Yeah.
Da­ta en­try work­er #2: You suf­fer the wounds of Je­sus?
Da­ta en­try work­er #1: What?
Pass­ing su­per­vi­sor: She means her “astig­ma­tism.“
Da­ta en­try work­er #2: Like in my eyes.
Da­ta en­try work­er #1: (laughs hys­ter­i­cal­ly)

Bridgeton, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: Ready for Je­sus

I’m Sav­ing My­self for Duct Tape

Sales rep: I swear, these peo­ple have no con­cept of the fu­ture. They’re all, “I’m fine right now, what­ev­er.” if they’re all psy­chic, I won­der how so many of them keep go­ing out of busi­ness.
Cus­tomer ser­vice rep: Psy­chics can’t see things about them­selves, they’re too close to them­selves.
Sales rep: I don’t be­lieve in psy­chics.
Cus­tomer ser­vice rep: I’m psy­chic.
Sales rep: Yeah, you’re psy­chic, like when you told me Jer­ry* and I would start dat­ing a week af­ter we start­ed sleep­ing to­geth­er, and that was like three months ago.
Cus­tomer ser­vice rep: Well, you were send­ing a vibe, you were all ex­cit­ed about him.
Sales rep: I get ex­cit­ed about vel­cro, but I’m not about to have ba­bies with it.

Fort Mill, South Car­oli­na

An­oth­er Rea­son Not to Take Ad­vice from Peo­ple with Footwear Is­sues

Guy with loafers but no socks on cell: Hi son, it’s me. Am I go­ing to see you at the club tonight, or are you stay­ing home? Oh, okay. So did you switch your class sched­ule? So now you’re tak­ing gym in­stead of busi­ness law? Ter­rif­ic! That’s great. Okay, see you soon. Bye.

New Haven, Con­necti­cut

Over­heard by: who calls their son