Archive for 2016

That Was Fun, but You Just Made an Enemy for Life

Data entry worker #1: So I told her I need special glasses because of my stigmata.
Data entry worker #2: Your what?
Data entry worker #1: My stigmata.
Data entry worker #2: You have stigmata?
Data entry worker #1: Yeah.
Data entry worker #2: You suffer the wounds of Jesus?
Data entry worker #1: What?
Passing supervisor: She means her “astigmatism.”
Data entry worker #2: Like in my eyes.
Data entry worker #1: (laughs hysterically)

Bridgeton, Missouri

Overheard by: Ready for Jesus

I'm Saving Myself for Duct Tape

Sales rep: I swear, these people have no concept of the future. They're all, “I'm fine right now, whatever.” if they're all psychic, I wonder how so many of them keep going out of business.
Customer service rep: Psychics can't see things about themselves, they're too close to themselves.
Sales rep: I don't believe in psychics.
Customer service rep: I'm psychic.
Sales rep: Yeah, you're psychic, like when you told me Jerry* and I would start dating a week after we started sleeping together, and that was like three months ago.
Customer service rep: Well, you were sending a vibe, you were all excited about him.
Sales rep: I get excited about velcro, but I'm not about to have babies with it.

Fort Mill, South Carolina