Archive for 2016

2PM Up­date EotM Wall

Em­ploy­ee #1: I can’t be­lieve they made that bitch Em­ploy­ee of the Month.
Em­ploy­ee #2: Me, nei­ther.
Em­ploy­ee #1: I’m go­ing to the gen­er­al man­ag­er.
Em­ploy­ee #2: Yeah, I’ll back you up.

Lat­er.

Boss: Who the hell told her that was a good idea to come see me?
Em­ploy­ee #2: I don’t know, I tried to stop her.

999 South Main Street
Salt Lake City, Utah

3PM Out for Some Fresh Air

Court­yard dweller #1: I am not sure I should hire him.
Court­yard dweller #2: Why? He seems cool enough.
Court­yard dweller #1: I asked him what he was lis­ten­ing to on his iPod when he walked in.
Court­yard dweller #2: Yeah, and?
Court­yard dweller #1: He was lis­ten­ing to Ce­line Dion.
Court­yard dweller #2: Enough said.

10050 Wolfe Road
Cu­per­ti­no, Cal­i­for­nia

He Can Be Ready in 60 Sec­onds

Teacher: Can you tell me what states I might find on the West coast of the Unit­ed States?
Stu­dent: The big one on the bot­tom. Mex­i­co is part of the Unit­ed States.
Teacher: No, that is wrong. Mex­i­co is a coun­try, try again.
Stu­dent: Look, my par­ents live here and they said we’re Amer­i­can and they came from Mex­i­co. It’s part of the Unit­ed States.
Teacher: I am telling you, you are wrong. Mex­i­co is a coun­try — it has its own gov­ern­ment.
Stu­dent: Look, if it was its own coun­try then why is every­one just walk­ing over here? That’s what I did and I’m still here.
An­oth­er stu­dent pulls out cell: Not for long.

School, Desert Marigold Lane
Las Ve­gas, Neva­da

And Sprin­kle Its Bowl with Lithi­um

Fe­male cowork­er #1: Squig­gy com­mit­ted sui­cide last night.
[Long pause.]Female cowork­er #1: He seems to have jumped out of the tank and shriv­eled up on the desk top… so it looks like I’ll be get­ting an­oth­er gup­py.
Fe­male cowork­er #2: Looks like it.
Fe­male cowork­er #1: Or… Yeah, I guess I’ll get an­oth­er gup­py.

Bal­ti­more, Mary­land

Main­ly You, So: No.

Em­ploy­ee #1: I left ear­ly yes­ter­day be­cause I was sick. I think there’s some bad dress­ing in the fridge.
Em­ploy­ee #2: Why did you eat that? That was from 2009!
Em­ploy­ee #1: Why did you leave a note say­ing any­one could eat it? Are you try­ing to poi­son every­one?!

Wheaton, IL