Archive for 2016

…But This Is Mis­souri.

Girl #1: What’s the point of a jock strap?
Girl #2: To keep your junk from flap­ping around.
Girl #1: I thought that’s what cups were for?
Girl #3: No, that’s a whole oth­er pur­pose. Be­sides, why would you want a big ol’ hard thing in be­tween your legs?
Girl #1: There’s so many ways I could an­swer that.

Kansas City, Mis­souri

News­Flash: Woman Beat­en to Death with Krullers. Ruled “Jus­ti­fi­able.”

Soc­cer mom: Can I have a medi­um iced lat­te? (pause) Wait, how much is a large?
Em­ploy­ee: $2.99.
Soc­cer mom: And how much is the medi­um?
Em­ploy­ee: $2.69.
Soc­cer mom: So which is the bet­ter val­ue?
Em­ploy­ee: Huh?
Soc­cer mom: How many ounces are in the large? How many are in the medi­um? What’s the cost per ounce of each?
Next cus­tomer in line: Here’s thir­ty cents, just give her a large.
Soc­cer mom: I’m not sure if I want a large.
Rest of very long line: Argh!

Dunkin Donuts
Long Is­land, New York

Over­heard by: Heavy D