Archive for 2016

The Day the Men in Bio­haz­ard Suits Vis­it­ed Our Of­fice

Para­le­gal: What col­or is moz­zarel­la?
Of­fice man­ag­er: White, why?
Para­le­gal: Ummm…I’m go­ing to need an ex­tra bag, I am clean­ing the fridge and that bag of moz­zarel­la is like dark brown and green, and I don’t mean spots…
Of­fice man­ag­er: Uh-uh, here. (hands over bag) I hope it does­n’t start mov­ing.
(para­le­gal laughs and heads to­ward kitchen)
Para­le­gal (one minute lat­er): Hey, what col­or is ki­wi sup­pose to be?

Mi­a­mi, Flori­da

Over­heard by: joey

Oh, I Know You’re a Fan Of My Hard Can­dy?

At­trac­tive fe­male em­ploy­ee: Hey Steve*, do you have some­thing hard that I can suck on to keep me awake?
Steve*, af­ter 15 sec­ond pause and in dis­be­lief: Jane*, you re­al­ly don’t know how long I have been wait­ing for you to ask me that.
At­trac­tive fe­male em­ploy­ee, turn­ing red: I meant did you have can­dy, like Jol­ly Ranch­ers or some­thing.

San Luis Obis­bo, Cal­i­for­nia

A Su­per Wal-Mart?

As­so­ciate: Do you think you could sur­vive if we dropped you in the mid­dle of the rain­for­est?
Temp: No way — I would die for sure.
As­so­ciate: What about if we dropped you in a Wal-Mart?

383 Madi­son Av­enue
New York, New York

11AM Han­dle Em­ploy­ee Com­plaints

Boss: Why has­n’t the mail come in yet?
HR: We have a new postal car­ri­er and she has­n’t come in yet.
Boss: Is she nice look­ing?
HR: Well, she’s in­con­sis­tent. Some­times she de­liv­ers at 2:30, some­times it’s 1:00.
Boss: What has that got to do with how she looks?
HR: It does­n’t. Wel­come to HR.

81 Ap­s­ley Street
Hud­son, Mass­a­chu­setts