Archive for October, 2016

3PM Slushie Run

Coworker#1: Okay, I’m back.
Coworker#2: Where did you go?
Coworker#3: We went to get a slushie.
Coworker#2: What? Where’s mine?
Coworker#1: You didn’t say you wanted one.
Coworker#2: Well, must my slushie needs be known to everyone? I just can’t believe you went without even asking me.
Coworker#3: How is she supposed to know if you wanted a slushie?
Coworker#2: I always ask her if she wants one when I go. I even give her money if she wants one. Oh, and look now. Now your’re drinking it in front of me.
Coworker #1: Dude! You never said you wanted one. You even saw me walk out. Do you even want one?
Coworker# 2: No, I’m fine.

19219 N 4th Street
Covington, Louisiana

That Was Fun, but You Just Made an Enemy for Life

Data entry worker #1: So I told her I need special glasses because of my stigmata.
Data entry worker #2: Your what?
Data entry worker #1: My stigmata.
Data entry worker #2: You have stigmata?
Data entry worker #1: Yeah.
Data entry worker #2: You suffer the wounds of Jesus?
Data entry worker #1: What?
Passing supervisor: She means her “astigmatism.“
Data entry worker #2: Like in my eyes.
Data entry worker #1: (laughs hysterically)

Bridgeton, Missouri

Overheard by: Ready for Jesus

I’m Saving Myself for Duct Tape

Sales rep: I swear, these people have no concept of the future. They’re all, “I’m fine right now, whatever.” if they’re all psychic, I wonder how so many of them keep going out of business.
Customer service rep: Psychics can’t see things about themselves, they’re too close to themselves.
Sales rep: I don’t believe in psychics.
Customer service rep: I’m psychic.
Sales rep: Yeah, you’re psychic, like when you told me Jerry* and I would start dating a week after we started sleeping together, and that was like three months ago.
Customer service rep: Well, you were sending a vibe, you were all excited about him.
Sales rep: I get excited about velcro, but I’m not about to have babies with it.

Fort Mill, South Carolina

Another Reason Not to Take Advice from People with Footwear Issues

Guy with loafers but no socks on cell: Hi son, it’s me. Am I going to see you at the club tonight, or are you staying home? Oh, okay. So did you switch your class schedule? So now you’re taking gym instead of business law? Terrific! That’s great. Okay, see you soon. Bye.

New Haven, Connecticut

Overheard by: who calls their son