Archive for October, 2016

3PM Slushie Run

Coworker#1: Okay, I’m back.
Coworker#2: Where did you go?
Coworker#3: We went to get a slushie.
Coworker#2: What? Where’s mine?
Coworker#1: You didn’t say you wanted one.
Coworker#2: Well, must my slushie needs be known to everyone? I just can’t believe you went without even asking me.
Coworker#3: How is she supposed to know if you wanted a slushie?
Coworker#2: I always ask her if she wants one when I go. I even give her money if she wants one. Oh, and look now. Now your’re drinking it in front of me.
Coworker #1: Dude! You never said you wanted one. You even saw me walk out. Do you even want one?
Coworker# 2: No, I’m fine.

19219 N 4th Street
Covington, Louisiana

That Was Fun, but You Just Made an Enemy for Life

Data entry worker #1: So I told her I need special glasses because of my stigmata.
Data entry worker #2: Your what?
Data entry worker #1: My stigmata.
Data entry worker #2: You have stigmata?
Data entry worker #1: Yeah.
Data entry worker #2: You suffer the wounds of Jesus?
Data entry worker #1: What?
Passing supervisor: She means her “astigmatism.”
Data entry worker #2: Like in my eyes.
Data entry worker #1: (laughs hysterically)

Bridgeton, Missouri

Overheard by: Ready for Jesus

I'm Saving Myself for Duct Tape

Sales rep: I swear, these people have no concept of the future. They're all, “I'm fine right now, whatever.” if they're all psychic, I wonder how so many of them keep going out of business.
Customer service rep: Psychics can't see things about themselves, they're too close to themselves.
Sales rep: I don't believe in psychics.
Customer service rep: I'm psychic.
Sales rep: Yeah, you're psychic, like when you told me Jerry* and I would start dating a week after we started sleeping together, and that was like three months ago.
Customer service rep: Well, you were sending a vibe, you were all excited about him.
Sales rep: I get excited about velcro, but I'm not about to have babies with it.

Fort Mill, South Carolina