So Much Nicer Than the Block­ing

Fe­male leg­is­la­tor: I love pro­fes­sion­al ball play­ers. They, uh… tack­le well.

20 Leg­isla­tive Plaza
Nashville, Ten­nessee

So I Did

Dol­lar store sales clerk to an­oth­er: Did you hear that cus­tomer? She tried to re­turn panties, I told her she could­n’t, so she said “you can smell them if you want”!

Lawrence, Mass­a­chu­setts

…Be­cause I’ve Been Dy­ing to Try Out This New Taser!

Old­er sales­man to younger en­gi­neer­ing drafts­man hav­ing a melt­down: Are you po­ten­tial­ly go­ing to go postal on us?

Birm­ing­ham, Al­aba­ma

Over­heard by: Ste­fanie

Though He Has Been Tal­ly­ing the Days in Cray­on on His Crib Wall

Work­er #1: How’s every­thing with the ba­by?
Work­er #2: He seems to be pleased with his ac­com­mo­da­tions. At least he has­n’t com­plained ver­bal­ly.

Elms­ford, New York

Over­heard by: Bored Be­yond Be­lief

This Is My Con­cerned Face.

La­dy suit: Well, if she is sui­ci­dal, she should­n’t be trav­el­ing alone…
Male suit, star­ing in­to dis­tance: Mmm-hm­mm.
La­dy suit: … Or drink­ing alone…
Male suit, star­ing in­to dis­tance: Mmm-hm­mm.

Penn Sta­tion
New York, New York

Over­heard by: passer­by

Have you tried a lad­der?

Male re­cep­tion­ist: I’ve been try­ing to get this pen in the ceil­ing for so long, but I just can’t.

Man­hat­tan, New York

Mac­Gyver Used the Re­sult­ing Ex­plo­sion to Es­cape to a Bet­ter Job

Cowork­er: I need a glass of ton­ic wa­ter, a screw­driv­er, and a hang­er.

Elmi­ra, New York

The Fer­al Em­ploy­ee Works for Low Wages, but May Need to Be House­bro­ken

Stu­dent work­er #1: Se­ri­ous­ly, why?
Stu­dent work­er #2: Be­cause I was too lazy to go to the bath­room.
Stu­dent work­er #1: Were you that drunk again?

New Brunswick, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: I Hate Stu­dent Help

You Knew They’d Come Up with Some­thing Else Now That Wa­ter­board­ing’s Fall­en Out Of Fa­vor

Se­nior en­gi­neer: And just when every­body is about to explode…bam! Ice cream!

Al­bany, New York

Have You Tried to Cop­per Feel?

Handy­man: Can you see the pipe?
Own­er of record store, with head in ceil­ing: Yeah, I think it’s rust­ed though.
Handy­man, un­der breath: Your mom’s pipes are rust­ed through.

Newark, Delaware