Boss lady: How was your weekend?
Top employee: Well, I spent Sunday morning in the hospital because…
Boss lady, interrupting: Was it because you're a cracked-out whore?
Forest Grove, Oregon
Overheard by: Jessi-ca
Archive for February, 2016
…Thanks to Our Generous Bending Of Time and Space.
Insurance representative: If you were to come to us individually, it would cost you about $45 a month, but since you guys get a group rate, it's only $8.61 every other week. That's less than $23 a month!
Kirkland, Washington
Overheard by: Ferox
How about Just the Minor Drug Offenders?
Coworker: Did you hear? Jerry Brown is our new Attorney General!
Boss: That’s it! Open up all the prisons! Set the prisoners free! And give them all marijuana on the way out!
708 Fiero Lane
San Luis Obispo, California
…What? I Appreciate the Little Things in Life!
Office drone to another: So I had a first the other day: I saw a midget driving.
Lake Forest, California
I Am So Suing Myself
Intern #1: That whole team is full of white receivers.
Intern #2: What’s wrong with white receivers?
Intern #1: They’re slow, man. I hate to be racist, but they are slow.
Intern #2: Yeah…
Intern #1: Hey, can I be racist against my own race?
1555 Pearl Street
Boulder, Colorado
Condi Rice Made the White House Fun
Older office guy: Every day I'd go in, moon her, and she'd throw candy at me.
Jeannette, Pennsylvania
Well, Yes, But Only on an Evolutionary Time Scale
Young white girl: You need to wear sunscreen. My mommy told me that skin gets dark if you don’t wear sunscreen.
Young black girl: I was BORN dark.
Young black boy: Me, too.
Young white girl: Really?
Young black boy: I wear sunscreen, too.
Young white girl: You were born that way? So it’s not the sun? Really?
Preschool
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Amused Pre-K teacher
Especially the Cats’ Eyes
Kindergarten boy: Mrs. Jones*, I need to go to the bathroom.
Teacher: No, you just went.
Kindergarten boy: Please, Mrs. Jones*. I gotta go.
Teacher: No, you were told you had to wait.
Kindergarten boy: But I have to go now! My marbles are itchy!
Manitoba
Canadia
And for a Short Time, He Will Like You More
Female peon: Even if a guy doesn’t like you it’s still nice if you give him a blow job, right?
Male peon: Yeah, that’s nice… That’s reeeal nice… That’s Toys-for-Tots-nice.
1200 Yankee Doodle Road
Eagan, Minnesota
Nah, You’ve Got Nine Months to Pick a Name
Girl #1: So we had sex last night and we didn’t use a condom and I’m ovulating.
Girl #2: Uh huh.
Girl #1: Should I be worried?
10th & Washington
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania