Boss lady: How was your weekend?
Top employee: Well, I spent Sunday morning in the hospital because…
Boss lady, interrupting: Was it because you’re a cracked-out whore?
Forest Grove, Oregon
Overheard by: Jessi-ca
Boss lady: How was your weekend?
Top employee: Well, I spent Sunday morning in the hospital because…
Boss lady, interrupting: Was it because you’re a cracked-out whore?
Forest Grove, Oregon
Overheard by: Jessi-ca
Insurance representative: If you were to come to us individually, it would cost you about $45 a month, but since you guys get a group rate, it’s only $8.61 every other week. That’s less than $23 a month!
Kirkland, Washington
Overheard by: Ferox
Older office guy: Every day I’d go in, moon her, and she’d throw candy at me.
Jeannette, Pennsylvania
Young white girl: You need to wear sunscreen. My mommy told me that skin gets dark if you don’t wear sunscreen.
Young black girl: I was BORN dark.
Young black boy: Me, too.
Young white girl: Really?
Young black boy: I wear sunscreen, too.
Young white girl: You were born that way? So it’s not the sun? Really?
Preschool
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Amused Pre‑K teacher
Kindergarten boy: Mrs. Jones*, I need to go to the bathroom.
Teacher: No, you just went.
Kindergarten boy: Please, Mrs. Jones*. I gotta go.
Teacher: No, you were told you had to wait.
Kindergarten boy: But I have to go now! My marbles are itchy!
Manitoba
Canadia
Girl #1: So we had sex last night and we didn’t use a condom and I’m ovulating.
Girl #2: Uh huh.
Girl #1: Should I be worried?
10th & Washington
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Peon #1: Lay it down.
Peon #2: Hold it.
Peon #1: I want it laying down.
Peon #2: I like it.
Peon #1: Lay! It! Down!
Los Banos, California
Overheard by: KooKoo Cachoo
Sales guy: Sooo, how do I get on our intranet again?
His assistant: We put this on your Favorites list, remember? We’ve done this before.
Sales guy: No.. no.. I’m not seeing it.
Assistant: Yes, the very first time I showed you how to log in, I had you add it to your Favorites first.
Sales guy: I don’t know, but I know I’m not seeing it.
Assistant: Hmm, I can’t remember if it was under a subfolder or not.
Sales guy: What are you talking about?
Pause
Assistant: Okay, let’s start from the beginning… Open up your Internet Explorer.…
Sales guy: Okay… done…
Assistant: Now click on Favorites.…
Sales guy: Oooh. Is it called [Company Inc]-home?
Assistant: Mmm hmm. That would be it.
Cubicle neighbor: Is this the same voice you use to explain things to your daughter?
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Female with short cropped hair, dressed like a man: All the men here act like they haven’t seen a woman in 25 years… They just keep staring.
South Michigan
CSR: No, Courtney is with a customer right now. Can I take a message?…Oh, Courtney just hollered and she’s off the customer now.
106 West Grand River Avenue
Howell, Michigan
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist