Boss lady: How was your weekend?
Top employee: Well, I spent Sunday morning in the hospital because…
Boss lady, interrupting: Was it because you’re a cracked-out whore?
Forest Grove, Oregon
Overheard by: Jessi-ca
Archive for February, 2016
…Thanks to Our Generous Bending Of Time and Space.
Insurance representative: If you were to come to us individually, it would cost you about $45 a month, but since you guys get a group rate, it’s only $8.61 every other week. That’s less than $23 a month!
Kirkland, Washington
Overheard by: Ferox
Condi Rice Made the White House Fun
Older office guy: Every day I’d go in, moon her, and she’d throw candy at me.
Jeannette, Pennsylvania
Well, Yes, But Only on an Evolutionary Time Scale
Young white girl: You need to wear sunscreen. My mommy told me that skin gets dark if you don’t wear sunscreen.
Young black girl: I was BORN dark.
Young black boy: Me, too.
Young white girl: Really?
Young black boy: I wear sunscreen, too.
Young white girl: You were born that way? So it’s not the sun? Really?
Preschool
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Amused Pre‑K teacher
Especially the Cats’ Eyes
Kindergarten boy: Mrs. Jones*, I need to go to the bathroom.
Teacher: No, you just went.
Kindergarten boy: Please, Mrs. Jones*. I gotta go.
Teacher: No, you were told you had to wait.
Kindergarten boy: But I have to go now! My marbles are itchy!
Manitoba
Canadia
Nah, You’ve Got Nine Months to Pick a Name
Girl #1: So we had sex last night and we didn’t use a condom and I’m ovulating.
Girl #2: Uh huh.
Girl #1: Should I be worried?
10th & Washington
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Threesomes Are Never As Sexy As You’d Think.
Peon #1: Lay it down.
Peon #2: Hold it.
Peon #1: I want it laying down.
Peon #2: I like it.
Peon #1: Lay! It! Down!
Los Banos, California
Overheard by: KooKoo Cachoo
3PM Logging In
Sales guy: Sooo, how do I get on our intranet again?
His assistant: We put this on your Favorites list, remember? We’ve done this before.
Sales guy: No.. no.. I’m not seeing it.
Assistant: Yes, the very first time I showed you how to log in, I had you add it to your Favorites first.
Sales guy: I don’t know, but I know I’m not seeing it.
Assistant: Hmm, I can’t remember if it was under a subfolder or not.
Sales guy: What are you talking about?
Pause
Assistant: Okay, let’s start from the beginning… Open up your Internet Explorer.…
Sales guy: Okay… done…
Assistant: Now click on Favorites.…
Sales guy: Oooh. Is it called [Company Inc]-home?
Assistant: Mmm hmm. That would be it.
Cubicle neighbor: Is this the same voice you use to explain things to your daughter?
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Dabbing That Beer Behind My Earlobes Really Did the Trick
Female with short cropped hair, dressed like a man: All the men here act like they haven’t seen a woman in 25 years… They just keep staring.
South Michigan
Customer Service Calls with Happy Endings
CSR: No, Courtney is with a customer right now. Can I take a message?…Oh, Courtney just hollered and she’s off the customer now.
106 West Grand River Avenue
Howell, Michigan
