Archive for January, 2016

Almost As Long As I've Been a Virgin

Engineer #1: You hear about the names of these meeting rooms? They're named after subatomic particles.
Engineer #2: Ya, we've known about them for a million years.
Engineer #3: Really? A million years?
Engineer #2: I was being facetious, but if you want to be literal about it, the space was always ,there we just built offices around it. So yes, they have been there for millions of years.

Waterloo
Ontario
Canadia


Could and Have

New chef: I gotta take a dump.
Waiter: There’s no toilet seat in the employee bathroom.
New chef: Dude, I just got out of jail after five years. I could shit in a pickle bucket in the middle of our dining room and it wouldn’t bother me.

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

12PM Lunch

Cubicle girl: [Brad], want anything from Taco Bell? I’m making a run.

[Brad]: Yeah, I’ll go with you. But let me give you my order first.

Cubicle girl: But you’re coming with me.

[Brad]: I don’t want to forget what I want. So I want the spicy chicken, spicy, make sure it’s spicy…

250 Park Avenue
New York, New York

What the Fire Said

Guy over PA system: May I have your attention please. There has been a fire reported in the building.
Co-Worker: Well, that’s just an excuse to go smoke.

East 13th Street
Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: blocking the exit