Trainer: Now, see, you just click and drag, like this. (he clicks and drags)
Employee: Wait, can you show me that again?
Saratoga Springs, New York
Trainer: Now, see, you just click and drag, like this. (he clicks and drags)
Employee: Wait, can you show me that again?
Saratoga Springs, New York
Boss: So just use a black highlighter to mark—
Assistant: Black highlighter?
Boss: I meant ‘Sharpie.’ Yes, don’t ever get the two mixed up.
Herndon, Virginia
Co-worker #1: Wanna go in, say…10 minutes? Or do you need longer?
Co-worker #2: How about 15?
Co-worker #1: I knew that was what you were going to say!…I think I wasted my wish when I said, “I’d like to know what people are
going to say, right before they actually say it.”
1835 Terminal Drive
Richland, Washington
New chef: I gotta take a dump.
Waiter: There’s no toilet seat in the employee bathroom.
New chef: Dude, I just got out of jail after five years. I could shit in a pickle bucket in the middle of our dining room and it wouldn’t bother me.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Male VP: We’ll beat it off for now.
Female general counsel: We’ll beat it off for the next five years.
Consultant: That’s probably the longest we can beat it off for.
Female general counsel: And then I’ll retire.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: If I so much as smile, I’ll get fired.
Cube rat: Jason* is a pretty good guy… for a racist homophobe.
Senlac Drive
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Is That All?
Data architect manager: And the new tables — who’s taking care of that?
DBA: Danny Phu*.
Data architect manager, making a note: Danny… F‑U?
DBA: Excuse me?
1555 Lundy Parkway
Dearborn, Michigan
Cubicle girl: [Brad], want anything from Taco Bell? I’m making a run.
[Brad]: Yeah, I’ll go with you. But let me give you my order first.Cubicle girl: But you’re coming with me.
[Brad]: I don’t want to forget what I want. So I want the spicy chicken, spicy, make sure it’s spicy…250 Park Avenue
New York, New York
Guy over PA system: May I have your attention please. There has been a fire reported in the building.
Co-Worker: Well, that’s just an excuse to go smoke.
East 13th Street
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: blocking the exit
Pudgy guy in lift: A six-week holiday tells you just how much you hate your job.
Female colleague: So, what are you going to do? Get out of here?
Pudgy guy: Well, I can’t do anything else… I could go back to geology.
New South Wales
Australia
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist