Gonna Be a Long Class

Trainer: Now, see, you just click and drag, like this. (he clicks and drags)
Employee: Wait, can you show me that again?

Saratoga Springs, New York

The CIA Has Been Making That Mistake for Years

Boss: So just use a black highlighter to mark—
Assistant: Black highlighter?
Boss: I meant ‘Sharpie.’ Yes, don’t ever get the two mixed up.

Herndon, Virginia

I Overheard That the Genie is Still Laughing at You

Co-worker #1: Wanna go in, say…10 minutes? Or do you need longer?
Co-worker #2: How about 15?
Co-worker #1: I knew that was what you were going to say!…I think I wasted my wish when I said, “I’d like to know what people are
going to say, right before they actually say it.”

1835 Terminal Drive
Richland, Washington

Could and Have

New chef: I gotta take a dump.
Waiter: There’s no toilet seat in the employee bathroom.
New chef: Dude, I just got out of jail after five years. I could shit in a pickle bucket in the middle of our dining room and it wouldn’t bother me.

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

And Have That Carpal Tunnel Surgery

Male VP: We’ll beat it off for now.
Female general counsel: We’ll beat it off for the next five years.
Consultant: That’s probably the longest we can beat it off for.
Female general counsel: And then I’ll retire.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: If I so much as smile, I’ll get fired.

…According to This Letter of Recommendation.

Cube rat: Jason* is a pretty good guy… for a racist homophobe.

Senlac Drive
Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Is That All?

I Said, ‘F‑U’! And How Do You Spell His Name?

Data architect manager: And the new tables — who’s taking care of that?
DBA: Danny Phu*.
Data architect manager, making a note: Danny… F‑U?
DBA: Excuse me?

1555 Lundy Parkway
Dearborn, Michigan

What the Fire Said

Guy over PA system: May I have your attention please. There has been a fire reported in the building.
Co-Worker: Well, that’s just an excuse to go smoke.

East 13th Street
Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: blocking the exit

Brian Was Fired for Trimming Off the Earth’s Crust

Pudgy guy in lift: A six-week holiday tells you just how much you hate your job.
Female colleague: So, what are you going to do? Get out of here?
Pudgy guy: Well, I can’t do anything else… I could go back to geology.

New South Wales
Australia

A New Twist on the Old Quarter-Out-the-Nose Trick.

Coworker #1: Well, do they exude toxins?
Coworker #2: I dunno.
Coworker #1: The doctor had her block off one nostril and it shot right out. Just like CPR!

Ithaca, New York

Overheard by: Does this end with monkeys again?