Archive for 2015

4PM Soft­ware Up­grade Project…Kill Me Now

Man­ag­er: Since most of these are not used, let’s go through and up­grade those first, then we’ll see what’s left.
Pro­gram­mer: If they’re not used, we don’t need to up­grade them, right?
Man­ag­er: Right, but we need to fig­ure out which ones are used.
Pro­gram­mer: Can’t we fig­ure that out by elim­i­nat­ing the ones that aren’t used with­out up­grad­ing them?
Man­ag­er: No, we need to up­grade the ob­so­lete pro­grams first.

580 Wal­nut Street
Cincin­nati, Ohio

Un­less There’s a Fire, It’s Best Not to Com­ment on Smells at Work

Cube rat #1: Oh! (in­hales deeply) I love that smell! Do you smell it?
Cube rat #2: No. What smell?
Cube rat #1: Skunk! I love the smell of skunk!
Cube rat #2: It is the mid­dle of winter…there aren’t any skunks this time of year.
Cube rat #1: You know, you’re right. Hm­m­mm, I won­der…
Cube rat #2: I just fart­ed.
Cube rat #1: Are you kid­ding me? You mean I have been stand­ing here en­joy­ing your fart?
Cube rat #2: Um… (pause) Yeah, guess so!

Fair­banks, Alas­ka

Um, Be­cause You Just Got Here and It’s 4 PM?

Cu­bi­cle dweller #1: John* needs to talk to you.
Cu­bi­cle dweller #2: Just give him my IM.
Cu­bi­cle dweller #1: He just wants you to re­ply to his e‑mail, did you read his e‑mail?
Cu­bi­cle dweller #2: No, I just got here.
Cu­bi­cle dweller #1: Why did­n’t you read it?
Cu­bi­cle dweller #2: I just got here! I just got here! I just got here, man.
Cu­bi­cle dweller #1, mum­bling: I just got here, why do you got to look at me like I’m a fuck­ing id­iot.

Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: the girl who can­not hear

Not Quite! (NS­FW)

Camp, male of­fice­work­er to mid­dle aged fe­male cowork­er: That’s called a brazil­lian, when they leave a lit­tle land­ing strip.

Rich­mond, BC

Over­heard by: Mar­go