Archive for 2015

Have You Been Brows­ing the Lane Bryant Web­site Again?

Cowork­er #1: I went to the black rodeo.
Cowork­er #2: Black rodeo?
Cowork­er #1: Yeah, all the cow­boys are black.
Cowork­er #2: Ohhhhh…where was that?
Cowork­er #1: Al­aba­ma. They had mi­ni cows.
Cowork­er #3: I think those are ba­by cows…calves.
Cowork­er #1: I thought they were pre­ma­ture big cows.
Cowork­er #3: What the fuck is a pre­ma­ture big cow?

News­pa­per
Dal­las, Texas

Come to Think of it, it Does Smell In­cred­i­bly Fuzzy and Cute in Here

Stu­dent: It kin­da smells like bun­nies.
Su­per­vi­sor: What?
Stu­dent: Yeah, bun­nies. Haven’t you ever smelled bun­nies?
Su­per­vi­sor: Uh, no, I don’t go around sniff­ing ro­dents usu­al­ly. And be­sides, I’m con­gest­ed, so all I’m smelling to­day is boogers.

1145 E. South Cam­pus Dri­ve
Tuc­son, Ari­zona

Over­heard by: Rasputin

In Court He Refers to the Judge As “Ven­er­a­ble Dick­head”

In­tern: Holy shit, it’s cold in here!
Sandy*, an­cient sec­re­tary: Allen*! This a law of­fice — a pro­fes­sion­al place of busi­ness. We do not use pro­fan­i­ty in this of­fice. What if a client had been wait­ing in re­cep­tion and heard you use that kind of lan­guage? In the fu­ture I would ask that you re­frain from us­ing that kind of lan­guage. I’m sure the part­ners would not ap­pre­ci­ate you speak­ing that way to your cowork­ers, es­pe­cial­ly those who are old­er than you.
Part­ner, en­ter­ing five min­utes lat­er: Je­sus-fuck­ing-Christ, it’s cold in here! God­damn, Lar­ry* — cheap­skate son of a bitch won’t turn the heat on un­til nine. Sandy, get me Lar­ry’s num­ber so I can give that ass­hole a piece of my mind. Fuck­ing dick. Every god­damn win­ter he pulls this shit. And Sandy, make some cof­fee for these in­terns — it’s like 40 de­grees in here!

Law of­fice
New York, New York