Archive for 2015

But Then My Kids Go and Put Them in Their Mouths

Hot girl #1: So, I itch.
Hot girl #2: Uh-oh. Time for cranberry tea. Get some at lunch.
Hot girl #1: And there’s a big bump on, y’know, the opening.
Hot girl #2: Are you washing your toys after use them?
Hot girl #1: Every time?

100 Wilshire Boulevard
Santa Monica, California

Overheard by: No longer hungry!

Calms My Worries About My Health

Saleswoman: I've had this cough for weeks. It's in my back now. I'll cough so bad sometimes that I'll almost pee myself or I'll throw up. I've tried every over-the-counter medicine they make. Tylenol, Theraflu, I've tried them all. I just can't get rid of it.
Coworker: Cigarette?
Saleswoman: Yeah, I could really use one.

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: non-smoker

That’s Who?

Old hacker: You look like Che Guevara… You don’t know who that is, do you?
Young artsie #1, sheepishly: No…
Young artsie #2: Did you see Motorcycle Diaries?
Young artsie #1, excitedly: Yes! [Sadly] But I don’t remember it.
Young artsie #2: That’s him.

6th and Washington
St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Hack Prime

Yo Quiero Matarle

Redneck employee: So, what do you call a quesadilla?
Latina employee: Quesadilla.
Redneck employee: Really? Just ‘quesadilla’?
Latina employee: [Silence.]Redneck employee: How do you say ‘salt’?
Latina employee: [Walks away.]

1720 Indian Trail Lilburn Road
Norcross, Georgia

How Workplace Shooting Rampages Happen: Explained.

Employee: This memo was sent back saying that your signature wasn't acceptable, someone higher up has to sign it.
Boss: Oh yeah, there is a memo for that. The big boss signed a memo stating that I can sign the memos that he is supposed to sign.
Employee: I'm sorry, I must not have heard about that. Where can I get a copy?
Boss: It's saved in the financial directory folder. By the way, so everyone is on the same page, do you think you could send out a memo about that?

Large University