Archive for 2015

But Then My Kids Go and Put Them in Their Mouths

Hot girl #1: So, I itch.
Hot girl #2: Uh-oh. Time for cran­ber­ry tea. Get some at lunch.
Hot girl #1: And there’s a big bump on, y’­know, the open­ing.
Hot girl #2: Are you wash­ing your toys af­ter use them?
Hot girl #1: Every time?

100 Wilshire Boule­vard
San­ta Mon­i­ca, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: No longer hun­gry!

Calms My Wor­ries About My Health

Sales­woman: I’ve had this cough for weeks. It’s in my back now. I’ll cough so bad some­times that I’ll al­most pee my­self or I’ll throw up. I’ve tried every over-the-counter med­i­cine they make. Tylenol, Ther­aflu, I’ve tried them all. I just can’t get rid of it.
Cowork­er: Cig­a­rette?
Sales­woman: Yeah, I could re­al­ly use one.

Bal­ti­more, Mary­land

Over­heard by: non-smok­er

That’s Who?

Old hack­er: You look like Che Gue­vara… You don’t know who that is, do you?
Young art­sie #1, sheep­ish­ly: No…
Young art­sie #2: Did you see Mo­tor­cy­cle Di­aries?
Young art­sie #1, ex­cit­ed­ly: Yes! [Sad­ly] But I don’t re­mem­ber it.
Young art­sie #2: That’s him.

6th and Wash­ing­ton
St. Louis, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: Hack Prime

Yo Quiero Matar­le

Red­neck em­ploy­ee: So, what do you call a que­sadil­la?
Lati­na em­ploy­ee: Que­sadil­la.
Red­neck em­ploy­ee: Re­al­ly? Just ‘que­sadil­la’?
Lati­na em­ploy­ee: [Silence.]Redneck em­ploy­ee: How do you say ‘salt’?
Lati­na em­ploy­ee: [Walks away.]

1720 In­di­an Trail Lil­burn Road
Nor­cross, Geor­gia

How Work­place Shoot­ing Ram­pages Hap­pen: Ex­plained.

Em­ploy­ee: This memo was sent back say­ing that your sig­na­ture was­n’t ac­cept­able, some­one high­er up has to sign it.
Boss: Oh yeah, there is a memo for that. The big boss signed a memo stat­ing that I can sign the mem­os that he is sup­posed to sign.
Em­ploy­ee: I’m sor­ry, I must not have heard about that. Where can I get a copy?
Boss: It’s saved in the fi­nan­cial di­rec­to­ry fold­er. By the way, so every­one is on the same page, do you think you could send out a memo about that?

Large Uni­ver­si­ty
Michi­gan